Port Phillip—one of Melbourne’s most iconic stretches of sand and salt air—has had it up to here with unruly jet-ski behavior. After years of complaints, near misses, and “I swear he was this close to the swimmers” anecdotes, the Port Phillip Council has formally asked the Victorian Government to enact what is essentially a near-total ban on personal watercraft (PWCs) across its busiest beaches.
Not a full statewide prohibition, but close: the proposal requests a 200-meter no-PWC zone in front of St Kilda, Elwood, Middle Park, South Melbourne, Port Melbourne, and Sandridge, some of the bay’s most popular, swimmer-heavy stretches. And critically, they want more on-water enforcement to back up the rules. Finally coming to fruition, Port Phillip voted unanimously on the motion and submitted the plan directly to the Victorian Government’s Engage Victoria process and relevant ministers.
This is partly about safety. According to the council, too many riders treat the beaches like a personal slalom course. But it’s also about space. Melbourne’s inner-bay beaches are crowded, and when swimmers, kayakers, penguins (yes, penguins...sort of), and fast-moving PWCs mix in the same narrow corridor, well…somebody eventually drafts a policy.
And here’s where the commentary comes in: Should anyone really be shocked?
When a subset of people can’t seem to self-regulate—whether from entitlement, adrenaline, or sheer inability to read a 5-knot sign—government regulation fills the vacuum. Every time. If you want freedom on the water, you have to earn it by not buzzing families in the shallows like an overcaffeinated dragonfly.
But the flip side is harder to swallow. Whenever councils step in with sweeping recreational bans, there’s always the fear that this becomes the new template. A little restriction here, a tighter boundary there. And suddenly, the places where we play (ride, swim, launch, explore) start shrinking. The challenge is that Port Phillip’s concerns aren’t imaginary. There have been genuine safety incidents, and Marine Safety Victoria’s own rules already bar PWCs from swimming-only zones and impose speed limits. Enforcement, however, has been inconsistent, and a rule unenforced is just a wish.
So what’s the answer? Is there a middle path between laissez-faire chaos and nanny-state clampdown? It depends on whether you believe these hooligans are a few loud outliers or a systemic problem baked into PWC culture on these beaches. Clearer zones? More patrols? Tiered penalties? Mandatory rider education? All viable. But if the riders who cause problems ignore the current rules, will they follow stricter ones? Or does Port Phillip’s proposal become the only solution that guarantees safer beaches for swimmers and wildlife?
The Victorian Government hasn’t approved anything yet, but the pressure is mounting. And if this ban goes through, it won’t just reshape Port Phillip Bay. It could become a model for other coastal councils dealing with the same tug-of-war between fun and safety.
For now, the question stands: How do you keep the beaches safe without shutting the door on responsible riders? And until someone figures that out, the battle for Melbourne’s waterfront isn’t slowing down. I’m just glad that this is a dilemma (and solution) far from American shores…for now.
