Tis the holiday season and, like a lot of people right now, I’m knee-deep in wrapping paper and unfinished gift lists and quite ready for a strong glass of eggnog.
Bringing the yuletide joy from presents to meals largely falls on women – though saying so can give you quite a bit of grief. Feminists ruin everything, people will say, even Christmas! To this day, I still get emails calling me a Grinch for suggesting that making the days merry and bright for the whole family can be tiresome.
So this year I’ve decided to let my heart grow three sizes and put my usual holiday grumpiness aside. Unlike past years, my workload is a little bit lighter and my mood jollier because I’ve decided to forgo sending out holiday cards. It’s a small thing, to be sure. But having one less thing to do – one less thing that mostly women are responsible for doing lest they be considered thoughtless – is quite nice. And the truth is that I’ll probably miss them (I’ve had some really cute ones!) more than any potential recipients.
Holiday cards – or the less common annual family state-of-the-union letter – used to be about being in touch with people you don’t see that often to let them know how you’re doing. But in the age of social media, even the kid I spoke to once in high school knows how I’m doing, how my daughter’s ballet recital went and what I had for dinner that one date night. Let’s face it: we’re all pretty well updated.
Sending a holiday card has also been considered a nice way to let someone know you’re thinking about them. And I won’t lie, I enjoy getting them. But most of the cards I get now aren’t handwritten notes or personalized in any way. They’re pre-printed postcards ordered online with pictures of people’s admittedly super adorable kids or pets printed on them.
I don’t say this to insult – those cards have long been my favorite to send out, too. I’m all for anything that cuts down on the extra amount of work that mostly women are expected to do this time of year. But let’s be real: everyone gets the same card, there’s nothing personal there.
Part of the reason I decided to stop sending out cards is that over the last few years it became less about keeping in touch with people I love and more about a show of adulthood – a demonstration of peace among the chaos. Look, everyone, my life is orderly and lovely! I’ve got it together enough to send out these cards during the busiest time of the year, with a personalized address stamp to prove it!
This year though, with less stress about how my life appears to the people on the outside, I have more time to focus on the things that really matter to those closest to me: cooking a massive Christmas Eve dinner with my mom for our family, sledding down the hill near my parents’ house with my daughter and opening our stockings in bed on Christmas morning before we head to the tree.
If that makes me Grinchy, so be it. But I have a feeling that when I look back on the holidays, the things I’ll remember most dearly won’t be something I can fit on a piece of paper.
