When a family member or close friend asks to borrow money, it can be hard to say no — especially if they're in a tough spot. But personal finance expert Suze Orman wants you to pause before saying yes.
"Your heart will always be screaming ‘yes,'" she writes in a recent blog post. But she encourages people to take a step back and ask an important question: Is this really generous?
When Generosity Isn't Mutual
For Orman, generosity isn't just about helping someone else — it's also about protecting your own financial well-being. "What is generous to someone you love must also be generous to you, personally," she explains.
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That means if lending money will cause you to skip a credit card payment, delay contributing to your emergency fund, or compromise your retirement goals, it may not be the right move. "When what you give reduces your own financial security or prevents you from building strong security, it is not generous," Orman writes.
This can be a tough pill to swallow, especially for older adults who may feel a strong urge to support children, siblings, or grandchildren. But as Orman points out, helping someone else shouldn't come at the cost of your own financial future.
Is the Loan Actually Helping?
Rather than gifting money, many might consider loaning money to family or friends in need. Orman says it's worth considering whether lending the money will genuinely help the other person in the long run — or just cover up a deeper issue.
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She gives examples: Giving money to someone who struggles to manage their spending or helping a young adult afford a more expensive lifestyle may not be doing them any favors. In those cases, the financial support may actually prevent them from learning how to live within their means and build healthy money habits.
A Loan Can Be a Gift in Disguise
If you're in a solid financial position and still want to help, Orman suggests treating the money as a loan and not a gift.
That doesn't mean setting a hard deadline or charging interest. Instead, the idea is to give your loved one the opportunity to repay the loan when they're able, without pressure. "It may seem counterintuitive to you, but asking them to repay the money when they are able will enable them to stand taller," she says.
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This approach can provide structure and help the borrower feel a sense of responsibility and dignity. And for you, it sets a boundary that can protect both your finances and your relationship.
Think Before You Lend
There's nothing wrong with wanting to help someone you care about. But as Orman makes clear, generosity should never put you at risk — or prevent someone else from learning important financial lessons.
Before you open your wallet, take a moment to consider the full picture.
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