Angela and Brian, both 52, appear to be on solid financial ground. With a household income of $188,000 and a net worth of $1.57 million — including nearly $900,000 in investments — they're ahead of many Americans approaching retirement. Their debt sits at $294,000, primarily from a mortgage and car payments. On paper, they've done everything right.
But when the couple joined personal finance expert Ramit Sethi on his "Money for Couples" podcast, it became clear their financial security had come with emotional and relational costs.
"We never eat out," Angela wrote to Sethi before coming on the episode. "Vacations are once a year. He always thinks we are poor. I need someone to tell him that we are okay so he can live life before it’s too late."
Brian's response? "I don't want the experience. I don't need it."
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Frugality Turned Habit — And Conflict
Like many couples, Angela and Brian started out living modestly to raise their four children and build long-term wealth. But decades of cost-cutting have left them with more than just a healthy bank balance — they've also developed deep divisions in how they view spending.
Angela still loves bargain hunting, but not because they can't afford more. "I want us to live a little now," she said. Brian disagrees. Even a $2 coffee feels excessive to him. "I don't think I deserve it," he admitted, adding that if it's not a necessity he doesn't want to spend money on it.
Sethi told the couple that the problems they are facing now is the hidden cost of their decades of frugality. "First, you do it for a reason," Sethi said. "Then you do it out of habit and sometimes you start to believe you don’t deserve anything else."
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When Financial Control Undermines Connection
The couple's fixed costs take up 72% of their income — above Sethi's recommended ceiling of 50%-60%. That pressure contributes to Brian's reluctance to spend, but Sethi points out that their grocery spending, vacations, and occasional outings are all well within reason.
Angela, who manages the budget and investments, feels confident about their future. She believes they could retire in five years. Brian, on the other hand, still clings to the notion — planted in his youth — that they need at least a million dollars to retire, despite the fact that they've already surpassed that.
Without a clear vision for what their future looks like, the couple has defaulted into financial survival mode — even when survival is no longer the issue. "When you don't have a rich life vision, every decision becomes reactive," Sethi said. He explained that without that shared vision, couples often find themselves cutting back out of habit, fixating on small expenses, and drifting apart.
Over time, money can become less about numbers and more about control, resentment, or even avoidance of deeper relationship issues.
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Relearning How to Say "Yes"
Sethi urged the couple to start reconnecting — not just financially, but emotionally. That starts with simple actions: going out for dinner, planning a weekend trip, or just grabbing a coffee without guilt.
"Sometimes we just have to say yes, and our feelings change later," Sethi advised.
Brian acknowledged the need for compromise. "I think I need to be a better husband and rebuild the foundation of this relationship," he said.
The Takeaway for Retirees and Pre-Retirees
Angela and Brian's story is a reminder that financial freedom means more than numbers. It's about giving yourself permission to enjoy what you've built. For retirees, or those approaching retirement, it may be time to ask: What are we waiting for?
As Sethi put it, "Nobody can design your rich life but you."
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