When a retired mother called into "The Ramsey Show," she wasn't asking for budgeting advice. She was trying to solve a deeply personal dilemma: Should she leave her $800,000 estate to children who haven't spoken to her in nearly a decade?
The emotional conversation sparked a discussion about estrangement, legacy, and how to plan an inheritance when family ties are fractured.
A Painful Estrangement
Ruth, the caller, told hosts George Kamel and John Delony that her three living children — now aged between ages 35 and 45 — cut off contact with her nine years ago. One of them, she said, had struggled with heroin addiction.
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"I set a boundary with my youngest daughter, who is a heroin addict, and told her basically she can’t use me anymore," Ruth explained. "And I will support her in recovery and in her healing, and it ran from there."
The consequences, she said, were devastating. Despite her efforts to reach out over the years, she's received no response from any of her children.
Her oldest child passed away, leaving Ruth with three living children and eight grandchildren — none of whom are currently in contact with her.
What Happens to the Money?
With retirement underway and her estate valued between $600,000 and $800,000, Ruth was left wondering what to do with her assets. "I want to do right by God," she told the hosts. "And I want to be clear about this."
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Kamel summarized her dilemma: "The kids won't talk to me. What do I do with this money?"
Rather than suggesting Ruth leave the inheritance directly to her children, Kamel and Delony introduced an alternative: skip a generation and leave it to the grandkids.
A Strategic Way to Give
Delony recommended opening 529 education savings plans for each grandchild. These accounts are designed specifically for education-related expenses and come with tax advantages.
"That money's gonna be used for education only," he explained. "If not, it can just be rolled into a Roth with the kids down the line."
Kamel added that this option could allow Ruth to "feel good about it without leaving it directly to the children." Since the money in a 529 plan can't be freely withdrawn by the parents, Ruth would retain control over how it's used — while still offering a meaningful gift to the next generation.
Ruth would need each grandchild's Social Security number to open the accounts, which could require communication with her estranged children. But the move could serve as both a financial legacy and a gesture of hope for reconnection.
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Estate Planning Isn't Always Simple
Ruth's story underscores a challenge more older Americans are facing: how to manage inheritance decisions when family dynamics are strained.
While her situation is unique, it raises a broader question for retirees: Should inheritance be a reward for close relationships, or a legacy regardless of them?
Financial advisors often recommend working with an estate attorney to document your wishes — especially when they don't follow a traditional path. Tools like trusts, 529 plans, and beneficiary designations can help make sure your money goes where you intend, even if family ties are complicated.
For Ruth, a well-structured plan could ensure her $800,000 helps the people she cares about most — whether or not she ever hears from them again.
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