NEXT TIME?
“This time, more than any other time, this time, we’re going to find a way, find a way … to win them all. It’s what we’ll set out to do. We have a dream, we know you’re sharing it too. This time … we’ll get it right.”
Nearly 35 years later, there’s something utterly depressing about This Time, England’s 1982 World Cup song. It’s the hollow optimism, more than anything. England hadn’t won the big prize for a while, hadn’t really looked like winning it for most of that time, hadn’t even won their qualifying group, but still – they were England, and England should be taken seriously. They should be contenders. This time, they’d get it right. They didn’t get it right.
And so to Arsenal, who over the last decade have finished fourth, third, fourth, third, fourth, third, fourth, fourth, third and second, and started the season talking once again of titles. “I think he really feels he can win something and do something special with this team,” Jack Wilshere said of Arsène Wenger last week. “At the moment on the pitch we can compete. That is the most important thing,” Wenger said, as he looked ahead to the visit of Liverpool in the first game of the season. “We are a big club and have a great team, so we always have a chance of winning the league,” the former Arsenal midfielder Freddie Ljungberg trilled. “We need to have a good start to the season, keep playing as a team and believe in Arsène and each other.” This time, more than any other time, etc.
Little over an hour into the new season they were 4-1 down at home to a rampant Liverpool. They were being outplayed. The fans booed. Some of them thought Wenger didn’t know what he was doing, and told him so. Wenger decided he’d show them, and prepared his first substitution. Three minutes later – Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain having reduced the arrears in the meantime – he brought on his one significant summer signing, £25m-plus Swiss midfielder Granit Xhaka. With one decision, in one moment, Wenger would be able to prove his tactical and acquisitional mastery.
When Arsenal signed Xhaka in May they treated supporters to an “interactive graphic” on their website featuring “his key career stats” (covering only his time in the Bundesliga, so far as we can work out). The 23-year-old had, they revealed, previously played 108 games, in which he had made 244 tackles – and 236 fouls. In other words, if The Fiver was reading these numbers correctly – and The Fiver always reads numbers correctly, even when we have been given them by gorgeous potential future Mrs Fivers in less than salubrious nightspots, when for some reason they often don’t seem to work. Which phone number has a letter in it? – he had made eight clean tackles in his entire career. Even if fouls didn’t count as tackles but – rather like Wenger – live in a worrying category all of their own, this meant that every time he attempts to win the ball there is a 49.17% chance he’s going to give away a free-kick. Surely they’d made a mistake? After all, who’d pay £30m for a free-kick-conceding machine? If his debut performance was anything to go by they had indeed made a mistake, on any number of levels: Xhaka came on in the 67th minute, attempted five tackles, conceded four fouls, was booked and Arsenal lost. Still, there’s always next time. Next time, they’ll get it right.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
December 2015: “My Club is a great initiative. Sport in Britain is badly underfunded and I am committed to helping support grassroots sports. It is a model that works from the smallest of sports clubs to the largest, so I’m more than pleased to be adding my support to such ingenious initiatives” – Sam Allardyce on his role as a brand ambassador for sports gambling firm, My Club Betting.
21 July 2016: Allardyce appointed England manager.
15 August 2016: “I had no idea about the background to the company which has been revealed by this investigation. In view of the revelations about Worldlink I cannot continue to promote the My Club Betting site and I will be giving up my shares” – Allardyce distances himself from his role after an investigation discovered that the firm’s MD, Neil Riches, had overseen a similar venture with a company called Worldlink, which lost investors up to £4m when it folded in 2012.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
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FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Eddie Howe’s ‘meteoric rise’ (Friday’s Still Want More?). Never got that one, as meteors are lumps of rock that are literally crashing and burning” – Niall Shakeshaft.
“May I be the first of 1,057 pedants to remark that while The Fiver might have met a Thesauras [sic] on Friday, it evidently has not met a spellchecker” – Gavan Reilly (and 1,056 others).
“Being a fan of hip new photo-sharing app Instachat, I was excited to see what enticing snaps you’d put up there. Imagine my surprise when, clicking on the link, I was taken to a clip of one of Nigel de Jong’s reducers. Either it’s a mistake, or appalling challenges are now Weird Uncle Fiver’s new celebrity fetish” – Chris McHugh.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Niall Shakeshaft.
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BITS AND BOBS
Former Aston Villa, Sheffield Wednesday and Ipswich player Dalian Atkinson has died after police Tasered him near his father’s home in Telford. The incident was automatically referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) and West Mercia police said it was unable to comment further. “I heard shouting and something smashing, which is what alerted me to look out of the window,” said local resident Paula Quinn. “I am feeling a bit sick knowing that the poor lad has passed. I don’t care what anybody has done. Nobody deserves to die as a result of something like that.”
Yannick Bolasie is now a £25m player, having joined Everton from Crystal Palace on a five-year deal. “For me, it was a no-brainer to come here,” he trousered. “But now that I’ve come to Everton, the job is not done. I’ve got to work hard and feel my way in.”
Palace are now flashing their wad in the general direction of Moussa Sissoko, who may have to start lowering his sights after waiting on bids from Real Madrid and Arsenal that have yet to materialise.
A plane carrying Manchester City staff, plus sponsors and travelling journalists heading to Bucharest for Tuesday’s Big Cup play-off against Steaua had to be evacuated on the runway at Manchester airport. City manager Pep Guardiola, meanwhile, has left Yaya Touré out of his squad.
José Mourinho says he suffered a bout of pre-match nerves before Manchester United’s 3-1 stroll at Bournemouth. “For somebody with so many years in football, to have that feeling is normal,” he piped. “I never forget coming with Real Madrid to Old Trafford and asking Sir Alex if he was still nervous, and he just said: ‘Yes.’ I understand these things never change.”
And only three months after returning to the Holland set-up as Danny Blind’s assistant, D1ck Advocaat has done one to Fenerbahce. “I am keen to work at such a big club in Turkey. At my age it is a fantastic challenge,” he cheered. “I am shocked and disappointed,” fumed Blind. “When I approached D1ck last year to be assistant, he gave me the impression he wanted to do it for a long term.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Jürgen Klopp has added a fair amount of quality to his Liverpool squad this summer … so how on earth is Alberto Moreno still No1 left-back, asks Marcus Christenson.
Arsène Wenger’s gamble over the summer was horribly exposed against Liverpool on Sunday, writes Amy Lawrence. He’ll be flinging himself down the back of the sofa in search of cash for Alexandre Lacazette, according to today’s Rumour Mill.
Mark Tallentire is full of praise for the box-to-box midfielder whose truly ludicrous transfer fee has been examined from almost every angle. Not that one, Everton’s £7.1m summer recruit Idrissa Gueye.
Georginio Wijnaldum’s versatility and breakfast with Zlatan Ibrahimovic are two of 10 mouthwatering talking points from the weekend’s Premier League action.
Ed Aarons rubbed shoulders with Mr 20% – yeah – Jorge Mendes to see how Wolves are developing under Walter Zenga in our new Football League Weekly series.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT, TOO!
