We recently published a piece by Richard Reeves, who was former deputy prime minister Nick Clegg’s director of strategy, in which he challenged parents in the US to acknowledge their role in “hoarding” opportunity for their own children at the expense of those from poorer families.
We asked readers to share their thoughts about opportunity hoarding and how far they’d go to give their children the best chance in life. The responses revealed anxiety about growing inequality and acceptance of the inequity of the lottery of birth. But they also revealed a reluctance to take steps that would disadvantage their own child.
One mother felt her black son would need every advantage she could give him, given the disadvantage he would face simply because of his skin colour. A grandmother shared her experience with schoolchildren from a deprived area of London who were very academic but lacked social skills and confidence.
There was broad support for banning unpaid internships, which favour children from families with deeper pockets, and unadvertised work placements, which favour those with greater social capital.
Ashley, 32, father of two
Although this principle is yet to be tested due to the ages of my children (six and four), I absolutely believe in taking a stand against nepotism and would not allow my child to benefit from an unfair advantage in any aspect of their lives. But even at such a young age, playground conversations are already geared towards the looming subjects of exams and tutoring. I am concerned that a child’s natural ability and commitment to working hard may too often be counteracted by another child’s familial wealth and resources.
Diane, 57, mother of one and grandmother of two
I grew up in an immigrant household where it was thought that just working hard and being top of the class was what you needed to get on. It wasn’t until my son had been to college and started work that I began to understand that getting on in life was not just about hard work but connections, of which I had very few.
It was too late for my son but I am trying my best to help my grandchildren. They attend a very good state primary school (which I fought to get them into) but I can already see the class divisions. So I have actively embraced the middle-class mothers so that my grandchildren are part of the ‘right’ group at school.
It’s very disheartening to see how the poorer children, and the ones from immigrant families whose parents’ English is not great, are left out of birthday parties and events. I recently did a careers talk at a sixth form college in a deprived and very multicultural area of London. The students were all very academic but lacked social skills and the confidence to engage with me.
Frank, 46, father of two
I probably would help my children, or my friend’s children, to get an interview or internship. It could be a massive help to them and I just couldn’t deny them, even though I know it’s unethical.That’s why we have to support structural changes to mitigate this, like regulations around internships or positive discrimination. I’m happy to take a moral position that disadvantages me. I’m not really willing to take a stand that disadvantages my children on many things.
John, 49, father of three
It’s part of my role as a parent to secure advantage for my children. And I expect other parents to be doing it too. So there is inevitably an ‘arms race’. But parents will always want to use their resources for the benefit of their children, so a society needs to recognise and accommodate it rather than use (what would ultimately have to be) draconian means to suppress it.
Abigail, 51, mother of one
My son is in his first year of university, has contacted people I put him in touch with and has found three unpaid work placements this summer. As a young black man, he needs this advantage when applying for jobs. I will not tell him this but as a young black man he needs to work extra hard and make sure his CV and application stands out.
Things are very competitive right now and I feel I have spent the past 20 years struggling to get to where I am now. I don’t want my son to go through that.
Shane, 55, father of two
I worry about inequality, but not enough to sacrifice the life chances of our own children. The fact that state schools are such a lottery, and can be accessed through postcode house purchase is unacceptable. Significant ire is directed towards the small percentage of schools in the independent sector, somehow excusing the lack of quality and, importantly, consistency in the much more influential state sector.
Improve state schooling and private/independent schools will dwindle and their importance subside. There will always be those who demand the cachet of the ‘public school’ but for the vast majority of parents it is the quality of education and happiness of their children that is paramount - and if the state does not provide it, those who are able will do everything in their power to properly educate their children. Inequality is compounded and entrenched.
Sandra, 50, mother of one
Unpaid internships are a way that individuals obtain experience that they might not otherwise get. If they were all to be paid most wouldn’t exist - who would benefit? They should be increased instead, and internships and placements could also be advertised in the job centre, so more are aware. Some funding could be provided from the apprenticeship levy.
Graham, 53, father of two
Much would, change quickly if political office bearers were obliged to send their children to the local schools in their areas up to a certain age, as part of the deal for being in public office. The same should apply to the access to health and medical facilities.
Sarah, 54, mother of one
Whilst we did not use any personal contacts to achieve this, our direct experience of the way that large companies work helped our daughter to understand that it was quite acceptable for her to telephone and ask to speak to the person dealing with student work experience and that that person was just an ordinary person, not some god-like, out of reach figure of authority.
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Some names have been changed.
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