“This is not the end of the journey.” Because the X Factor Liveblog will return next week, with Stuart Heritage back, back and indeed back. Guffaws guaranteed. Sweet, sweet commenters - thanks for being gentle with your humble stand-in and for being very funny indeed.
Monica’s a goner! Get your coat, love. Oh, you already have. Put it on then.
Anton’s “extra bit of passion” has saved him. Olly got so confused he nearly sent Monica home. You had one job. One job.
Grimmy’s saving Anton. Rita isn’t. Cheryl isn’t either, so it’s down to Cowell. Send it to deadlock, maaaaate.
Anton’s no Hucknall, but he’s better than Monica. Just.
She can’t even wear a coat properly.
Monica’s no Beyoncé, is she? Not even a LeToya or LaTavia, to be honest.
Already been done? Oh. Still, here’s a little bit of Monica in the sing-off.
“Guys, guys”, as Cowell would say: thanks for pointing out that this liveblog cannot appear without a Heritage-style Mason Noise reference. So I’d just like to say that I once lived next door to his cousin, Comeonfeelthe.
Yesssss. Get in. Get off.
Who would you least like to see in a sing-off? It’d be nice to never hear Max again.
No need for the Sympathy Chair tonight - 4th Impact are through.
Just get the sing-off on.
Louisa, yes, yes.
The great R ’n’ B are back next week. Pray for Big Band Week!
Someone lip-read what Cowell said when Lauren got through. And Che Che’s through, of course.
Mason Noise is through! Go on, you Lidl Timberlake.
HOLD IT! Someone in commenters’ corner has claimed they can’t remember who Diva Fever were...
Have M&S put sleigh bells on The Bandit’s Rather Be for Christmas? In the words of R Kelly: “Now, um, usually we don’t do this...”
Facts from Olly’s One Direction interview: The new album is “a nice record” and Harry is OK down there.
Liam’s hair’s gone solo though.
Who’s ready for the Flackers/Styles interview?
They should just do Rihanna covers, like in the olden days.
Five years ago, One Direction were contestants on X Factor. That’s the year that also produced Wagner and Diva Fever. Happier times.
Reading your comments in the ad break is the best bit. Big up to wokka, who has this to say about Jess Glynne: “Has she just come from the gunge tank off of Noel’s House Party?” Fair spat my quinoa at that one.
“Time is running out”. Thanks, modern-day philosopher Olly Murs for that. Still, One Direction are coming up after the break.
Insert “Take her home... please” gag here.
Oh.
Even a bit of Clean Bandit.
A pop banger, if you will.
Jess Glynne, with your sharp suit and face like Katherine Parkinson of IT Crowd and Humans fame, please break into one of your more lively hits.
Come on, enough with the recaps. Antiques Roadshow has already started. In other news, there’s I’m A Celebrity... to look forward to after this. Stay with us, people.
Simon has an important announcement: the seven acts left at the end of the night are off on the X Factor live tour. “Wow” indeed.
First Olly “Wow” of the night.
Anton and Max were quite bad last night, but they are, as the judges would say, “nailing it”.
Here comes the highlight of the week: the group song. Flashdance What A Feeling. There has to be a mash-up coming...
It’s the judges. Strong looks tonight, with Cheryl going for full-length glamour, Simon going for the Cowell look, Grimmy sporting a patterned shirt and Rita sending out a search party for her trousers.
It’s Time. To Face. The Double Elimination.
Welcome, if you dare, to The X Factor Liveblog: The Sunday Night Results Show. First, the bad news: Stuart Heritage is not back yet. And now the good news: It’s another double elimination tonight.
If you missed last night’s Movie Week extravaganza, where in the name of Bupsi Brown were you? A recap, then. No-one sang anything from the greatest film ever, Purple Rain, but the judges told a lot of people they “nailed it”. They didn’t, apart from the ever-reliable Che and 4th Impact who put in a fairly knockout performance despite the fact that Celina had fainted earlier.
In other news, Simon Cowell admitted he’d never seen The Rugrats Movie and Rita Ora shed two tears then started to fancy Che Che. Caught up? Right, the Sunday fun starts at 8pm.
It’s goodnight from the X Factor Liveblog, but first I bring you good news. Tomorrow night will be better because it involves One Direction, Jess Glynne and the return of the Gagmaster General Stuart Heritage. Plus, someone gets the boot. Hurrah! The “fun” starts at 8pm.
Ah, Movie Week: done. What are your predictions for tomorrow night’s sing-off? Not that anyone would want to see Anton and Max warble again or anything...
Rita: “I knew you’d pull it off.” Cheryl’s giving a shout out to Che’s dad, who rather spookily looks the same age. Simon, unsurprisingly, thinks: “You nailed that song.” And Grimmy loves him.
All the judges are standing up. Maybe they can’t wait to get home.
Ladies and gentleman, the lovechild of Daniel Bedingfield and Sam Smith owns the night. Charge your glasses now: How many of the judges are going to say he “nailed it”?
Che’s going to do When A Man Loves A Woman. It’s not reggae-tinged, is it?
YES! Che is ending the show. Does that mean the end is in sight?
“You did not miss one single note,” says Cheryl. Rita’s got a goosebump situation. “It feels tonight like the competition has started,” decrees Simon, shoehorning in a mention of East and Haenow. Grimmy thinks Lauren destroyed that version and he means it in a good way. “You have so much charisma,” says Rita.
Lauren’s changed her song, too. She’s belting out Ariana Grande’s One Last Time. It’s warbly. The judges are going to love it.
“All the performances have been incredible,” says Rita, who’s clearly watching a different show. Maybe they have an alternative stage when Andy the Binman and Tesco Mary are still performing.
Simon’s declared it “one of the most incredible things we’ve seen on this show.” And he’s not just talking about the chair. Grimmy thinks they’re Sasha Fierces. Rita’s giving the double thumbs up. “That is what stars do,” says Cheryl. “We suffer.”
Oh hello, this is lively. The spirit of Foxy Cleopatra is on stage, along with some gigantic dancers.
One of 4th Impact has passed out. But the show will go on. After all, there is “sass” to be brought.
It’s about this time of night that it’s useful to remember the last great X Factor moment...
“Please do Queen Of The Night.” Grimmy is judge of the night. Rita liked it. Cheryl thinks the song suited him. “You are very over the top, but that’s what I like about you,” says Simon.
When in doubt, get a Whitney out. The best bit of that was his Fist Of Pure Emotion.
Anton’s back in his old stomping ground, the West End. Ah, so he used to be the man who held that ‘Golf Sale’ placard.
Do Reggie and Bollie pop your corn? If anyone’s got Olly saying “Wow” in their drinking game, fill your boots.
“You reminded me of a young Celine Dion.” Grimmy nails it.
It’s the annual “What film is that song from?” argument. Care factor: zero.
Aw, look at the judges having a right laugh. “Guys!” says Simon, “We’ve never had an artist like you on the show before.” How quickly he forgets. Wagner, people, Wagner.
This makes Jedward look like Charles and Eddie.
A Celine Dion/Who Let The Dogs Out? mash-up? Cheryl is a musical genius.
Ha ha, they are!
Ha ha, they’re not!
Still, here come the new millennium’s answer to Chaka Demus and Pliers - it’s Reggie and Bollie. Ha ha, they’re singing Titanic!
Oh Cheryl.
Serious Cheryl face: “All props to you, my friend.” Simon thinks she’s “magic”. Grimmy prefers this week’s Monica to the one he saw last week. Rita thinks her delivery “was so kinda confident.” Olly’s giving it the “Monica. Wow.”
A last-minute song change for Monica. She’s doing What Is Love? Sadly not the Haddaway version. Rita’s face is showing all the feels.
That extending dining table and chairs on the Harveys ad is slightly more exciting than the show so far. Sweet commenters, I’ll take a trip to your virtual bar. Make it a large one.
Now the night can truly begin! Reggie and Bollie are up after the break.
“I want to get up there and squeeze you,” says Cheryl. “This is a performance you’re going to be remembered for,” says Simon. “It felt delicate, it felt really special,” says Grimmy. And Rita is crying. Not enough to do that wavy thing they usually do on X Factor.
Louisa’s doing Everybody Free. It’s in tune, but imagine Diva Fever making this song their own. Imagine. There would be unicorns. A key change would lift them aloft. Oh, hang on, we’re in 2015. Sigh.
Nick liked it, Rita is a Max fan “officially”, Cheryl’s never seen Jerry Maguire and Simon thought “that was the perfect song for you”. In the words of Olly Murs: “Max. Wow”.
So, about finding the joy in all this: Max Stone has just done a Bruce Springsteen.
Secret Garden? More like Come-Round-In-The-Dead-Of-Night-And-Urinate-All-Over-Your-Flowerbeds.
Oh, OK, I’ll admit I’ve just missed the first ten minutes of X Factor because I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Jeremy Vine dancing to The Jam on Strictly. What have I missed?
Hello and welcome to week three of the X Factor Liveblog. The long suffering Stuart Heritage is away (or cowering in fear that it might be time for Big Band Week.)
But wait – it’s Movie Week! And I’m standing in to try and find some joy in what lies ahead. This comes fresh off the back of the Strictly Liveblog without time for a costume change, so that tricky 15 minutes when both shows are on will involve some channel-hopping for us all. Still, there’s no danger of missing anything good because Seann Miley Moore went home last week. The show, as they say, must go on. And go on it will at 8pm, so get ready to unleash your comments...
