STEELING THE SHOW
Acting’s Sean Bean. Running, jumping and throwing’s Jessica Ennis. Beautiful South crooner Paul Heaton. Cricket captaincy’s Joe Root and Michael Vaughan. Boxing’s Kell Brook. Globetrotting national treasure Michael Palin. Dick from Dick and Dom (warning: may actually be Dom from Dick and Dom). Jon McClure from Reverend and the Makers. Def Leppard’s Joe Elliott and Rick Savage. Politics’s David Blunkett. Elder statesman of Britpop, Jarvis Cocker. The worlds of acting, running, jumping and throwing, boxing, globetrotting, children’s entertainment, crooning, rocking, Britpopping and politic-ing could grind to a standstill on Monday night, if not nationwide but at least in that small corner of England that isn’t actually particularly small or a corner, but is better known as the city of Sheffield.
As celebrity fans of one or other of Sheffield’s two big football teams, each of the people listed above has skin in Monday night’s big game of football, the 131st Steel City derby which could kick off in every sense of the expression. And while it’s not quite as big a talking point as the then Sheffield Wednesday stalwart Mel Sterland showing his acting chops playing the role of United skipper alongside Sean Bean and Emily Lloyd in the so-bad-it’s-actually-quite-good football movie, When Saturday Comes, the presence of Steve Bruce in the Hillsborough home dug-out just over 20 years since he left the Blades after one season in charge could add some extra spice.
“It was certainly an eye-opener,” he said of his time at Bramall Lane. “It taught me about management very quickly and why I should never be a player-manager either. I tried to do it and play 12 or 13 times. It’s fair to say there were a lot of problems [at the club]. It’s never easy for any manager when there is turmoil above you and I certainly witnessed that. But they gave me a chance, it made me grow up and learn and I’ll always be grateful for the opportunity.”
On a good run of form and still in with a shout of making the play-offs, Bruce’s Wednesday will be hoping to put a serious dent in their city rivals’ hopes of gaining automatic promotion. A win for Chris Wilder’s side would edge them ahead of Dirty Leeds on goal difference in the race for automatic promotion. “We won’t change our way,” said Wilder. “There’s been a lot of talk about being frightened to lose. There’s no way we’ve had that attitude in the three games [against Wednesday] that we’ve played since I’ve been here. We’re not a sit-back side. We never have been and never will be in this division.” So fasten your seatbelts for what could be another thriller, in a league that has been so much fun this season you could forgive The Fiver for wondering why any team would want to leave it.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“That’s a really disappointing question – do you think it’s PlayStation?” – Big Paper journalist Jamie Jackson can add Jürgen Klopp to the list of managers he has irritated in post-match press conferences after the Liverpool gaffer took a dim view of his suggestion the side could have attacked more against Everton.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Get your ears around Football Weekly.
FIVER LETTER
“Saturday’s match report from Old Trafford lists Y Valery as the opening scorer. Could his middle name be Dontyoucomeonover?” – Dan Westacott.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Dan Westacott (by default), who wins Matchdays: the Hidden Story of the Bundesliga by Ronald Reng. Plenty more prizes to come.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Chile’s physio has given Manchester United fans hope the side can sustain their good form by revealing Alexis Sánchez could miss the rest of the season with medial ligament-twang.
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is set to return from whichever witness protection scheme Liverpool have kept him in since last April with an appearance for the Under-23s against Derby on Friday.
David Brooks has spelled his own name correctly on the bottom of a piece of paper which means Bournemouth will continue to pay him pretty well providing he keeps running about their pitch for them.
Mario Balotelli celebrated his bicycle-kick goal against 1990s indie-poppers St-Etienne by collecting his phone from a cameraman then filming his celebrations with teammates and uploading them to his Instachat story. If The Fiver’s honest, it doesn’t understand most of what it’s just written.
Rochdale have told manager Keith Hill to make like Fred Flintstone and Yabba-dabba-do-one. “The next five games against opposition in and around us represents a great opportunity to try and retain our League One status,” the club Andy Townsend-ed.
In other League One news, Gary Bowyer has been named Bradford City manager. “The opportunity to manage Bradford City doesn’t come along that often,” parped Bowyer of a job that has been available twice this season already.
Hundreds of fans gathered at Stoke’s stadium to pay tribute to 1966 World Cup winner Gordon Banks. A five-car funeral cortege drove through the ground, stopping at the dug-out for a few minutes, before Banks was laid to rest following a service at Stoke Minster.
Former Pope’s O’Rangers captain Eric Caldow has died at the age of 84. The full-back made 407 appearances for the club and later played for Stirling Albion and Corby Town.
And Bolton’s training ground was locked shut on Monday after it was reported the club ran out of food and drink. Players and staff have not been paid their February wages.
STILL WANT MORE?
A guide to when every single live sporting event is on UK TV? Oof.
Big Website writers have cobbled together 10 handy talking points from the weekend games for you to agree with or, let’s face it, disagree with as you see fit.
Sid Lowe has paused his relentless clacking of castanets to clack out a take on Real Madrid’s el clásic-woes instead.
Andy Brassell has stopped eating bratwurst mit kartoffelpuffer for just long enough to pen this missive on what’s going wrong at Schalke.
And Paolo Bandini has put his consumption of incredibly small cups of coffee on hold in order to rattle out this piece on what’s going wrong at Roma.
Why exactly have LA Galaxy plonked a statue of David Beckham outside their ground, ponders Graham Ruthven.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
