THE NAME’S BOND, BAYERN MUNICH
The Fiver’s German cousin, Vorsprung durch Tin und Lederhosen Fiver, is in a funny place today, and we’re not talking about the workshop where Jogi Löw and his assistants make the matching outfits they insist on wearing to every game. We’re talking about a state of mind, a sense of discombobulation all the more confusing because it was not brought about by WeissTin. At least not exclusively.
Here’s how it is, reader: Vorsprung durch Tin und Lederhosen Fiver begrudges Bayern Munich their success, in particular the way they have turned the Bundesliga title race into an F1 grand prix, with overtaking unfeasible and Red Bull creating only a minor diversion. It seems like every time another club pulls close to Bayern, the Bavarians just roll down their window, flash their wallets and blast off into the distance with their rivals’ best players. As a general rule of thumb, when Bayern are laughing, The Fiver’s German cousin is swearing, the only exception being when Arsenal are the opponents because some skits just make keeping a straight face impossible. Today, however, they made a transfer with which they were very chuffed and which even the most bitter Bayern-bashers had to find impressive.
Bayern took James Rodríguez on a two-year loan from Real Madrid, with an option to make the move permanent for about £32m. That’s around what Spurs paid for Moussa Sissoko and Arsenal paid for Granit Xhaka and far less than Everton think they can blag for Ross Barkley if he leaves Goodison Park. Coming so soon after completing the signing of Kingsley Coman for about £18m or, in Stoke City terms, one Giannelli Imbula, Vorsprung Durch Tin und Lederhosen Fiver admits to being tickled by his compatriots’ ability to make English teams look foolish off the pitch as well as on it.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I want to thank all the staff and patients at The Priory in both Darlington and Altrincham and all the staff at Salford Royal Hospital. The support I’ve had from Everton, Spurs, their fans, football fans and concerned members of the general public has been incredible. It’s important to emphasise that there is amazing help out there and anyone feeling anything out of the ordinary should seek support because it is great and good to talk. Lastly, a special thanks to the staff at Everton, my team-mates, and especially my family and the people around me” – Aaron Lennon returns to training at Everton with some important words.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
It’s your boy, David Squires, on Arsenal’s Invincibles.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism – the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us by making a one-off or recurring contribution.
FIVER LETTERS
“Probably the happiest person about Wayne Rooney’s return to the Toffees (yesterday’s Fiver) will be the husband of my (long departed) cleaning lady from Poland. He was a fanatical Everton supporter – so much so that when, 13 years ago, his long-awaited first-born son appeared, to all-round joy and celebration in our household, he christened him Rooney. One week later, Wayne moved to Old Trafford. I hope the boy got through school OK and it will be worth the wait” – Nicholas Allott.
“Re: the most ridiculous small football item sponsored (yesterday’s Fiver letters). I sponsored Swansea goalkeeper Roger Freestone’s gloves for two seasons – £75 for the season and a mention in the programme every home game. They were in Division One at the time, mind” – Mike Waring.
“Hamilton Accies, in the late 70s, ran a fans sponsorship scheme which allowed you to sponsor items for individual players, from shirt (most expensive) to shorts, socks, etc. The cheapest item, at about £1 (for the full season), was the bar of soap for the player’s post-match shower. Beat that. You didn’t actually get your name imprinted on the item in question (despite the fact that the role of official Accies soap-carver would doubtless have been hotly contested), but you did get your name printed in the programme every week (or two). Fame of a sort” – Gordon McNicol.
“There I was, yesterday, enjoyably watching an England team hammering – yes, I mean really drubbing – a German team at the European U-19 championships, live on the German-language version of Eurosport. I thought (wrongly, as it turns out), that Big Website might have at least mentioned the details of the case, but no, when I turned to your online pages, there was not a word about the superb England performance. Where were you, in our hour of need? I sincerely hope you can get someone on to the case in time for the semi-final against the Czech Republic on Wednesday” – Chris Weaver.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Gordon McNicol.
BITS AND BOBS
Arsène Wenger is seeing the sights of Sydney, while fending off the flamin’ chat about Alexis Sánchez. “The players come back and we expect them to respect their contracts,” he blabbed. “Nobody knows today if Sánchez will be in the final year of his contract next season.”
Rafa Benítez, who signed Alberto Aquilani for £17m in 2009, has got a bit of a face on with the state of transfers. “It’s not easy for a lot of teams because the market is a little bit crazy,” parped the Newcastle boss. “We have to try to do our best.”
Everton holidaymaker Wayne Rooney will feature in Thursday’s Tanzania friendly with Kenyan opponents Gor Mahia. “I’ve never been to Tanzania before, so I’m really looking forward to it,” he cheered.
Stoke City’s Marko Arnautovic wants out of the Potteries. “Marko and his people have put in a transfer request but that happens on occasions,” tooted Ailsa from Home and Away. “Players can express an opinion or a view in terms of where they see their future but at the end of the day contracted players are contracted to the club and ultimately we have the final say.”
And Hertha Berlin have signed USA! USA!! USA!!! diving extraordinaire Jonathan Klinsmann, goalkeeping son of Jürgen. “Jonathan convinced us with his ability, charisma and ambition,” swooned club suit Michael Preetz.
THE RECAP
Sign up and receive the best of Big Website’s coverage, every Friday, it says here. Seems to be a curious lack of mentions for The Fiver …
STILL WANT MORE?
Diplomatic row dept: Real have broken their ‘non-aggression pact’ with Atlético to sign keepie-uppie novice Theo Hernández, Is this the start of frostier relations in Madrid, ponders Michael Butler.
Scotland’s Gemma Fay talks life in Iceland, winning 200 caps and facing England at Euro 2017, with Suzanne Wrack.
Daniel Taylor checks in at Everton as Wayne Rooney, er, checks back in at Everton.
Did Chelsea really need Antonio Rüdiger when they already had Kurt Zouma, Andreas Christensen and Nathan Aké? Martin Laurence offers more than a curt “no”.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
