There’s nothing excessively wrong with Robert Zemeckis’ new version of Roald Dahl’s The Witches (starring Anne Hathaway as the baddie). In this case, opting for a streaming debut over a theatrical release, planned as it was for October 9 before the pandemic messed everything up, may have been a disservice. At least as a theatrical release, the ambitious and colorful kid-targeted fantasy would be an excuse to go out to the movies with the family, especially in a Halloween season for kids too young for The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It, Candyman and Halloween Kills. But as a streaming title, especially now, it’s just another film version of The Witches available at the click of a button right alongside the 1990 version, which is currently available on Netflix
For those who came in late, The Witches concerns a young boy (Jahzir Bruno) who is living with his grandmother (Octavia Spencer) following the death of his parents in an auto accident. The first portion of the film, which digs deep into the young orphan’s grief, is arguably its best, as once the title villains show up the film plays out like a loose redo of Nicolas Roeg and Allan Scott’s adaptation from 30 years ago. Anyway, a chance encounter with a devious witch leads grandma to tell her grandson all about the child-killing monsters, and they decide to take a trip to a grand southern resort. Alas, that hotel is currently hosting a convention for witches, which always seemed like an odd coincidence in every version of this story.
Anne Hathaway is great fun as the Grand High Witch, with makeup emphasizing her inhumanity even when encased in human form, and the film subtly uses the racial makeup of its heroes for sly commentary. Although the race-swap makes The Witches yet another film (The Princess and the Frog, Star Trek Beyond, seemingly Soul) where a Black actor/actress plays a human who gets turned into a non-human entity for the majority of the film. At least Will Smith’s superspy only spent the middle third of Spies in Disguise as a pigeon. But, yes, as in the book and the 1990 movie, our unnamed hero eventually gets caught and turned into a mouse which plays into the new scheme to poison candy and turn all the world’s children into mice.
Aside from possible 3-D effects had this film played theatrically as intended, I’m not sure what attracted Zemeckis to the project. While it has its share of fanciful effects in the service of a small-scale fantasy story, none of the effects make the film all that different from the one that came before it. If anything, the frenetic action and more conventional camera work makes the film feel safer and less taboo than its predecessor. Simply put, this new version isn’t anywhere near as grotesque or kids-sized scary as the previous version. That 1990 flick, starring Angelica Houston as the Grand High Witch, is indeed a PG-rated horror movie for kids, back when a kids-targeted flick featuring monstrous effects and child-killing baddies was in itself a big deal.
This newfangled version feels safer and more “parent approved,” which is a little shocking considering it was adapted by Kenya Barris and Guillermo del Toro. To be fair, kids of all ages can now watch hyper-violent PG-13 action fantasies like The Hobbit, Avengers: Infinity War, Jurassic World and The Hunger Games. The line between “kids movies” and “grown-up movies” is now irrelevant, so the mere idea of a PG-rated horror movie with a body count is no longer anywhere near as transgressive as it was 30 years ago (this is one reason the subpar Hocus Pocus gained a cult following three decades ago). In 2020, a PG-rated live-action movie explicitly pitched to kids may be more of a rarity versus one trying to go a little too far.
Even in terms of the new movie itself, it’s aggressively less creepy and less macabre, as even many of the “violent” scenes are played for glorified comedy this time out. Hathaway is a hoot and a half, dressed to kill (in both senses of the phrase) courtesy of Joanna Johnston, using a generically European accent that shifts from country to country mid-syllable and using Stanley Tucci’s befuddle hotel manager as a comic foil. Spencer mostly plays it straight, even as her own illness is comparably downplayed this time out, and no one else makes much of an impression. Yes, this is a more faithful adaption in relation to the original novel, but it is also not distinctive enough to justify itself when the previous version exists at home too.
That’s the core problem with The Witches. Say what you will about, for example, Rob Zombie’s Halloween remake or Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but they are “different” from their respective predecessors in a way that justifies their coexistence. Robert Zemeckis’ The Witches, while again showing Hathaway’s flair for camp comedy and offering passable at-home entertainment, fails the Nightmare On Elm Street or Amazing Spider-Man test. It’s terribly similar to the first film and yet (slightly in this case) “less good.” Save for the appeal of specific cast members, I can’t imagine anyone choosing this version when they just feel like watching The Witches. In a world where the other movie is available in 1080p video and surround sound just as easily, that makes this one almost useless.
