The problem with science is that it has been the exclusive bastion of ‘scientists’ for far too long. Bah. Just because someone specialises in a particular subject for 10-20 years and pursues it single-mindedly for the rest of their life doesn’t necessarily mean they know best. As if. What we need in science is a little less reason and empirical evidence and a little more mythology, creativity, the spirit of why not and that all-important wah factor.
Let’s take a few inventions that we have been using for decades without question as being meant for doing only one job and see how they could be tweaked to give us more roar for the rupee.
The Washing Machine
Till now the washing machine, as its name suggests, basically washed clothes. And then made the quantum leap of being able to steam them as well. Really? We’ve invented a phone that can transport pictures of our intimate parts from Ambattur to Antwerp in under three seconds and this is the best we could do with washing machines? I think if we put our minds to it, they could make our clothes as well. Yes, you heard me right. If they can wash clothes, why can’t they make clothes? It’s all clothes, isn’t it? Wash ‘em. Make ‘em. Just feed some multicoloured threads into them already. Add a miniaturised tailor with a measuring tape, scissors and AI. That’s all. Also, while they are at it, why can’t these machines, say, take the household pet for a walk? I think it’s perfectly possible. I mean, after all, they already make clothes, wash them and steam them. So, a tweak here in the motor, a reset there in the motherboard, and why can’t they take Brownie out to go do his business?
The Car
The automobile hasn’t really progressed much, has it? All we’ve been able to do with it in a century is make it driver-less. C’mon. Think, think. What else can it be made to do? How about it lays the roads that it travels on? That’s brilliant. And just. After all, roads are damaged by cars. So the car re-lays the road as it moves. Simple. Just need to tweak the engine and the petrol tank a bit, a minor change in the algorithm of the thingamajig, and voilà, tar-dispensing, road-laying cars that take us where we want to go without drivers. Not enough, though. Why can’t they give us investment advice? I mean, cars get out all the time, right? They know what the word on the street is. And Wall Street is a street.
The Mixer-Grinder
One of the biggest scams is the mixer-grinder. Imagine an appliance pretending it actually does different things to mix and grind. What a sell. Now how’s this for a thought. One of the primary components in a mixer-grinder is the blades. What else do blades do? They shave, dammit. So why can’t a mixer-grinder also be used as an electric razor? C’mon, all you great big scientists, that can’t be that difficult, can it? Find a simple way to put our faces in the mixie so we go in looking like Baba Ramdev and come out looking like Dev Anand. Hmmm, where else are blades used? Fans, of course. By now, you know where I’m going with this: mixer-grinder-cum-razor-cum-pedestal-cum-ceiling fans.
The sky is the limit, my friends, if we think out of the dabba. Let us cogitate, innovate, renovate, and masticate. To aim to be NASA’s Most Bestest Scientific Country In All Fourteen Lokas.
Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written four books and edited an anthology.
