Sorry, that's a bit confusing, isn't it. What we mean is; an 'exciting development' in Big Brother, involving money, two special live shows and a dilemma was announced this morning by a Channel Four press release - and we're here live tonight to cover what happens. And to update the people who can't be arsed to watch the show. We're not blogging the Lotto. That would be *silly*.
Updates will be added between nine and ten, click read more to read more, and add comments if there's anything Big Brotherish you feel you really would love to add.
9pm (real time) "It's Wednesday night" says Marcus Bentley. "Sixteen candidates have come from all over Britain, hoping to become..." Oh. No, hang on. No Apprentice. Bother.
Right, what's on instead.
Ah, well, I've got this 'special Big Brother live show' recorded that was on from 8-8.30, I shall watch that instead. That'll fill the time till 9.30.
And just to keep consistent with the time stamps....
8.01pm: Davina appears appears on screen "£100,000" she says "One Happy Winner".
Right, so should we guess that one housemate will be called to the diary room, and given £100,000 (or given the choice of taking it?), the housemates will believe they have snaffled the prize money, but they won't have. It's another £100,000, and the eventual winner will still get £100,000.
Well what's the point of that? Ah, it is complex psyching out tactics, is it? Interesting.
But for now we're just into the catch-up. Not the *best* stringing out of a twist in the tale I've ever seen, I must say... Where's the fast forward button?
8.08pm: The housemates are undertaking a swimming challenge, 'swimming the channel' by swimming 7,500 lengths in their tiny pool.
Jonathan is complaining that Carole has started a whisper campaign against him. Someone told me today that he's got the best odds for eviction this week, or something. I do so hope that's not too late to sign him up for the panto season, for every time I see that face, all I can think is 'Pantomime Dame'. He wouldn't even need make up. Just a dress. Not even a big dress, I don't think. He would be brilliant.
Some other things happen. Charley is bitching to Nicky. Jonathan is bitching to Carole about Charley. Charley is in the diary room, bitching about Ziggy. I am reaching for the remote control.
There's an ad break.
8.14pm: Davina reappears. She tells us the same thing again. There is £100,000 sitting in the diary room, one housemate will get it, the others will think the prize fund has gone.
Then they launch back into recap.
So what, are they expecting uproar? A big threatened walk out? Does anyone actually go in there for the prize fund anymore? Every person that passes that threshold is fame-savvy enough to know that the money isn't really in the prize, aren't they?
They're there for the deals, the contracts, the promotion, £100,000, surely, is nothing. Or that's what I've always understood, anyway.
8.24pm: The housemates have been gathered. Davina looks quite unbelievably excited. She hands over to Big Brother.
Big Brother shows them a shot of the money in the diary room, and tells them that in the Diary room is the money.
All the housemates talk at once.
Most people seem to be trying to work out what's going on, apart from the twins who wonder if that's the real diary room. Big Brother says nothing.
8.28pm: And after 2 minutes of confused chatter, we cut back to Davina. "Oooh! Wasn't that exciting!" Is the general breathless air that Davina gives off. Um. Not really. But maybe it will get more exciting, I'm sure.
Still they'll be back at 9.30. Which is, as it turns out, right now.
9.31pm: "People are always saying" says Davina "That get rich quick schemes never work. Well we've got one that does..."
Yes, it's called live voting, and you're not allowed to do it so much this year, are you, poor lambs? Still, hopefully twisty money-involving plot-turns can raise the ratings, ad revenue etc and. Oh! This wasn't about that?
No, it was to try and raise the momentum for Sons and Daughters, wasn't it? Sorry, not Sons and Daughters. Mr and Mrs? No, hang on, the other thing. Brothers and Sisters. I missed it, was it any good, does anyone know?
Davina says the same thing all over again, about the money and the diary room and the prize fund, and then we're back in recapville.
People are swimming and bitching. My fast forward button doesn't work now. Boo.
9.38pm: Chanelle and Ziggy, love story of at least twenty minutes, appear to be on the rocks. Meanwhile, Nicky seems to be rather interested in Liam, and is forcefully grilling him about his sexual past, while fluttering her eyelashes. I want to like Niky, she seems like a reasonably sensible lass. I just wish she'd smile more often. Or at all.
I'm not sure if it's in my house, but the subtitles I'm getting on the Big Brother recap are from another channel completely. Gerry and Seany are arguing about the fact that Seany seems to have put a condom on Gerry's bear (not a euphemism), meanwhile the subtitles are chuntering away about Deepak Chopra.
9.46: Back from the ad break. I feel educated in the fields of department stores and fast food.
First we will find out what people have been speculating about for the last hour. And then, the exciting development will actually happen. Finally.
9.48: What have they been speculating about? They speculated for all of two minutes, then had a row about towels. Led by Carole. Obviously.
9.49: Right, here we go. Jonathan, Carole and Seany, the three nominated housemates, are called to the diary room.
9.51: The three nominated housemates are told that they can't receive the money (and that they've been nominated). But they do get to decide who.
9.52: They're all mumbling, the bastards. Someone suggested Laura, the suggestion was shot down (what's she done, again?), someone suggested Amanda, that too was discounted. Two people seemed keen on Ziggy, but in the end, everyone went for...
Unoffensive Liam. Hurrah for Liam!
9.54: Liam looks deflated to be told he's just won £100,000.
Oh. Is this going as planned, Endemol?
Oh! Now he's crying! Well, that's better. At least it's a reaction, though perhaps not the one they might have been expecting.
I suppose there are several things - a) He thinks he's taken the money from the person who might eventually win, and he feels bad, because he's nice. b) He knows that people will start to resent him now, he might be more likely to be voted out and that. c) He's a bit overwhelmed, poor love.
Aw.
9.59: Davina smiles like the cat who's pooed in your knicker drawer.
"How does this change The Game?" she asks... "How does this change their status in the house"
I would conjecture not *really* that much. It's all about the fame, I think. And everyone knows that the fame brings the money, not the game. In half an hour they'll be arguing about towels once more...
Still. it was a midweek ratings game and pif paf poof, I watched it. All of it, didn't I?
I Am Mug.
See you on Friday for the evitionny thing.... Or, you know, not. Well, I mean, I'll be here, but... Oh, you know what I mean.
(The subtitles are still doing it, by the way. Over the end credits I can see the house mates talking, but not hear what they're saying and the subtitles read: "You haven't been up here since the Reagan Administration" "It's Bush time!" [GROWLS]
Adds a certain something, I tell you...)
Thanks and good night
