The Wayne Rooney saga

Here's Ciaran Withington: 'In a theoretical world, Scooby and the gang find out who was really behind Wayne Rooney's big money transfer to another club' Photograph: Photomontage

'From innocent ginger soccer star to Incred-Boy at Man U, Wayne Rooney's true persona is finally revealed as the evil, money-grabbing Syndroon.' Richard Browse references The Incredibles to admirable effect Photograph: Photomontage

'He'll need to start playing out of his skin now', says Douglas Fenech Photograph: Photomontage

Tim Poole implores you to pity the unfortunates who missed out on Wayne Photograph: Photomontage

'Wayne was caught up in shocking new prostitution allegations,' sizzles Carl Creek Photograph: Photomontage

'A tough negotiator with financial savvy, just the man to put right our economic woes,' says topicality's Seamus Murphy Photograph: Photomontage

Robert Schofield yelps in fear as Wayne tries to bite the hand that feeds him Photograph: Photomontage

Slavo Mykosowski's effort is fairly self-explanatory Photograph: Photomontage

'Is it any wonder Wayne was tempted,' asks David Tokley Photograph: Photomontage

Jason Froggett has discovered Wayne was the victim of subtle subconscious manipulation from City Photograph: Photomontage

Tom Mansell reckons Wayne ignored the advice of a few former Reds Photograph: Photomontage

'Uncle Fergie just about manages to appease Lil' Wayne until his next tantrum,' parps John Paul Barry Photograph: Photomontage

Rob Marriott used his psychic powers to see where the protagonists hoped Wayne would end up this week Photograph: Photomontage

Here's Richard Liggins: 'Wayne should thank his lucky stars Gheorghe Hagi didn't tempt him to Gala' Photograph: Photomontage

Nick Richards surveys the tragedy from afar. 'After slaying a bothersome father figure, Oedipus Shrex claims his shameful new bride - Paul Stretford' Photograph: Photomontage

Investing in some sky-blue paint ended up working out quite well for Wayne, according to Chris Powell Photograph: Photomontage

'Just as well Wayne avoided that exit sign,' giggles Mark Stenson Photograph: Photomontage

Al Balmer reckons Sir Alex Ferguson might want to wash away the paint before the police catch up with him Photograph: Photo Montage

'While the editor was snowboarding the ambitious young researcher thought he'd make his mark on the magazine with a scoop to end all scoops,' crackles Paul Stevens Photograph: Photomontage

Fergie should take a leaf out of a different Rooney's book, according to Deci Photograph: Photomontage

Could those stories of untold wealth be true? Find out in Chris Barlow's new blockbuster Wayne Visits Treasure Eastlands Photograph: Photomontage