Name: Warcraft: The Beginning.
Appearance: Lots of monsters and warriors with cool costumes but no sense of humour.
Is this a movie, then? That’s right. It cost $160m (£109m) and it has just come out. At first, it was a hugely popular computer game called World of Warcraft. Twelve million people used to play it in 2010, although that was down to 5.5m last year.
Sounds like the film has arrived a little late? You could say that. They started trying to make it 10 years ago, long before filming began on Game of Thrones.
So now Warcraft has to compete with GoT and Lord of the Rings in people’s imagination? Yes. It’s a bit like trying to launch a new space epic to rival both Star Wars and Star Trek – ie tricky.
And, of course, films based on computer games are always dreadful. They are. Although the director, Duncan Jones, wanted the chance to prove that games can make good movies. Plus, he loves World of Warcraft, and has excellent work such as Moon on his CV. “I wanted to give people a sense of why so many people play and care about the game,” he said.
And has he done it? I think that has to be a no. So far, the reviews range from dire to abysmal. As film critic Peter Travers remarked, “You leave Warcraft with two words ringing in your ear: game over.”
Ah well. All great directors have at least one flop on their CV. I’m sure that … Who said anything about a flop?
But I thought you said … Oh, it’s a terrible movie, and it bombed in the US. But overall, it has taken $378,412,014 so far, 89% of it outside the US, already making it the highest grossing game adaptation of all time.
What? Where are these people who have paid in such vast numbers to watch a total stinker? China. They love a bit of Hollywood action and no mistake. Even The Angry Birds Movie was a big hit there. Indeed, it now seems quite likely that the sequel Jones wants to make could soon be on the way.
Warcraft 2: The Middle? Something like that.
Do say: “In a time when legends were made …”
Don’t say: “In a world where the export market offers a more secure return on investment …”
