Some golfers I coach adore playing in team events with a particular partner and so many of them wouldn’t dream of making a change. Some knit well together and some even coordinate their outfits to really enhance their team vibes. But how would they feel if their partner announced they wanted to play with someone else?
This is one of those golf and life parallels where you have to have the skill set to communicate effectively and be open and honest. Keeping quiet and continuing in this golf relationship when one of you isn’t happy can lead to big fallouts down the road. Here’s the thing…
Making that break and starting to play with somebody else can do your golf the world of good. I believe that playing with loads of different people is great for our game. It challenges your ability to focus, to redesign your course management to suit another golfer's game.
Being more adventurous with the company you keep in pairs competitions will see you explore different areas of the course and also can alter your attitude towards both your own game and that of the person you're playing with.
A fresh perspective can open your eyes and help you lighten up or focus more. Pairing with a low handicap can raise your game and pairing with a higher handicap can see you become more easygoing about your own game and perhaps relax enough to enjoy it more.
Mixing up partners more regularly will also help to create a welcoming and friendly environment in a club. We need to make it ok to make a change.
But I do know occasions where a rift in a partnership has caused waves amongst the women’s section at a golf club. They didn’t want to offend, but they did. They didn’t want to upset anyone, but they did. They just wanted to do what was right for their golf, but it wasn’t right.
This kind of fractious event in the world of golf clubs is something that causes a negative atmosphere and I really believe everybody should be able to have a very open conversation without worrying about being gossiped about.
Club rules could help. Perhaps the same pair are only allowed to enter an event two years in a row, after which they have to choose a new partner? This would discourage cliques forming and it would encourage new friendships and new teams. This would also help to stop the same pair winning every single year, but wait a second, is this game about winning and losing or is it just the taking part?
I believe mixing it up and team building in clubs will help a section to grow and nurture an enthusiastic environment. Cliques aren’t confined to women's sections. I know plenty of men who’ve joined their friendly local club and found they aren’t welcome in the Saturday morning groups, or aren’t welcomed into the seniors section as they thought they would be.
I asked some women that I coach what their views were on mixing up playing partners when it comes to events and here’s what they said:
“I love my regular playing partner especially in foursomes, we work so well together. We know exactly what the other needs to be taking club wise and we work perfectly well together. I couldn’t imagine playing with anyone else.”
“I had the same partner and she was amazing, but we had to call it a day as she moved away. This couldn’t be helped but it takes time to find someone you have that same spark with. I will admit, I have enjoyed playing with different people (mostly) but I’m relieved that I’ve found a perfect match again and I am enjoying playing with my new team mate. I like the familiarity.”
The format plays a huge part in this need to mix up partners or stick with who you know. Fourball betterball is a perfect format to spice things up a little. A great opportunity for a low and a high handicap to play together and for people to get to know each other. A scramble would see even more friendly interaction and potentially spark some new partnerships.
For golf clubs to evolve, one of the first things they need to encourage is acceptance of new members and players. Walking into a close knit women's section at a club can be hugely intimidating.
To have a lighthearted team or pairs competition with players mixing in on a regular basis would go a long way to breaking down barriers. Blockades are subconsciously put up by some groups of women and are hugely off putting to new players, or even golfers that have been playing a long time, but have moved to a new club.
Amanda Rowely says, “That’s what I love above Stoneham Golf Club. We always mix up our partners and that goes for the mixed matches too and no one takes offence! I personally love it when I get a message from someone asking me to be their partner, I see that as a real compliment. It’s a great way of meeting new people and by playing with different people, it helps you improve your own game. You may not always win but for me it’s not just about winning. On the other hand, the ones that always stick together usually win!!”
It is a special partnership when you find your golfing bestie and play so well together that you are unbeatable, but there should be a mix of the same and new partnerships as part of a club’s effort to grow. If you are a club member, think about how pairs and team competitions are set up, appreciate the wonderful partnerships you have and then perhaps think about ways new partnerships can evolve.
How welcoming is your section to new members and especially new players? Everyone has to start somewhere and I am a big believer that there needs to be ways to incorporate newer golfers into club life without making them feel ashamed of their higher handicap.
Golf is a game of variety, the people we meet and play with are just part of that. So let’s celebrate the new experiences and people we meet, be kind and friendly and be grateful for this amazing game we play.
