The TV quiz of 2017

From Game of Thrones to Curb Your Enthusiasm … have you been watching? Composite: HBO/BBC/The Guardian Design Team

1. 

   Which of the following was not a real item produced during The Great British Bake Off’s cake week showstopper challenge?

   1. A cake that looked like a pork pie.

   2. A cake that looked like a bag of flour.

   3. A cake that looked like some pancakes.

   4. A cake that looked like a loaf of bread.

2. 

   In what state did Peter Capaldi find himself for much of this year’s series of Doctor Who?

   1. He was blind.

   2. He was drunk.

   3. He was nude.

   4. He was invisible.

3. What was the most upsetting thing about the sex scene between Simon and Gemma in Doctor Foster?

   1. They did it in a zoo.

   2. They licked mustard off each other.

   3. Their son overheard it.

   4. One of them was dressed as a pirate.

4. 

   What Latin phrase did Elisabeth Moss find carved inside a wardrobe during The Handmaid’s Tale?

   1. “Longissimus dies cito conditur.”

   2. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.”

   3. “Malo periculosam libertatem quam quietum servitium.”

   4. “Haec olim meminisse iuvabit.”

5. David Bowie wasn’t able to reprise his Twin Peaks character for this year’s revival, so what form did David Lynch choose for his character take?

   1. A levitating mechanic.

   2. A dancing tree with a brain for a head.

   3. A haunted, interdimensional kettle.

   4. A statue of a goblin.

6. 

   What was the name of Dustin’s pet demogorgon in the second series of Stranger Things?

   1. Gizmo.

   2. ET.

   3. Dart.

   4. Pennywise.

7. 

   What was the centrepiece of Mark Latimer’s stint on this year’s Broadchurch?

   1. He abseiled down a post office.

   2. He invented rocket boots.

   3. He threw himself off a boat.

   4. He jumped out of a helicopter.

8. Which of the following was the title of the Bond theme spoof performed during the third series of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend?

   1. Scary Scary Sexy Lady.

   2. Sexy Sexy Scary Lady.

   3. Sexy Scary Scowly Lady.

   4. Hairy Scary Scuba Lady.

9. 

   What was the title of the hot-button Broadway musical that Larry David tried to stage in the Curb Your Enthusiasm revival?

   1. Fatwa.

   2. The Transexuals.

   3. It’s the Travel Ban.

   4. All Lives Matter!

10. With which cultural mashup did Noah Hawley’s Legion announce its weirdness to the world?

    1. A kabuki theatre re-enactment set to I Want to Break Free by Queen.

    2. A Charleston dance set to Water No Get Enemy by Fela Kuti.

    3. A Bollywood dance set to Pauvre Lola by Serge Gainsbourg.

    4. A Cossack dance set to Orange Was the Color of Her Dress, Then Blue Silk by Charles Mingus.

11. What upsetting thing happened to Thandie Newton’s body in this year’s Line of Duty?

    1. Her eyeball burst.

    2. Her arm was amputated.

    3. She had an ear sliced off.

    4. She was made to eat her own tongue.

12. 

    Which pop star had a cameo in Game of Thrones?

    1. Ed Sheeran.

    2. Adele.

    3. Taylor Swift.

    4. The middle one out of Hanson.

Solutions

1:B, 2:A, 3:C, 4:B, 5:C, 6:C, 7:C, 8:A, 9:A, 10:C, 11:B, 12:A

Scores

1. 12 and above.

   Truly incredible. To score this highly, you must have watched every television programme broadcast in 2017. However, on the downside, this must have also included all of Tom Hardy’s Taboo, so that’s eight hours you’ll never get back.

2. 11 and above.

   So near and yet so far! You didn’t watch everything this year, but who has time for that, anyway? Me, the schmo recruited to compile this quiz, that’s who. I watched so much telly this year that I can’t even remember what my family looks like. Pity me.

3. 10 and above.

   So near and yet so far! You didn’t watch everything this year, but who has time for that, anyway? Me, the schmo recruited to compile this quiz, that’s who. I watched so much telly this year that I can’t even remember what my family looks like. Pity me.

4. 9 and above.

   So near and yet so far! You didn’t watch everything this year, but who has time for that, anyway? Me, the schmo recruited to compile this quiz, that’s who. I watched so much telly this year that I can’t even remember what my family looks like. Pity me.

5. 8 and above.

   So near and yet so far! You didn’t watch everything this year, but who has time for that, anyway? Me, the schmo recruited to compile this quiz, that’s who. I watched so much telly this year that I can’t even remember what my family looks like. Pity me.

6. 7 and above.

   This could have been worse, but not by a lot. Next year, please try to watch more esoteric superhero deconstruction programmes on obscure digital channels in order to infinitesimally improve your results in an end-of-year filler quiz.

7. 6 and above.

   This could have been worse, but not by a lot. Next year, please try to watch more esoteric superhero deconstruction programmes on obscure digital channels in order to infinitesimally improve your results in an end-of-year filler quiz.

8. 5 and above.

   This could have been worse, but not by a lot. Next year, please try to watch more esoteric superhero deconstruction programmes on obscure digital channels in order to infinitesimally improve your results in an end-of-year filler quiz.

9. 4 and above.

   This could have been worse, but not by a lot. Next year, please try to watch more esoteric superhero deconstruction programmes on obscure digital channels in order to infinitesimally improve your results in an end-of-year filler quiz.

10. 3 and above.

    Your knowledge of television is the absolute pits. How on earth did you spend this year? Going outside? Talking to friends? Ugh, you’re wasting your life.

11. 2 and above.

    Your knowledge of television is the absolute pits. How on earth did you spend this year? Going outside? Talking to friends? Ugh, you’re wasting your life.

12. 0 and above.

    Your knowledge of television is the absolute pits. How on earth did you spend this year? Going outside? Talking to friends? Ugh, you’re wasting your life.

13. 1 and above.

    Your knowledge of television is the absolute pits. How on earth did you spend this year? Going outside? Talking to friends? Ugh, you’re wasting your life.