Yay! A true glass ceiling of prejudice has at last been shattered as Lindsay Lohan this week admitted that, yes, her "friendship" with the permanently be-hatted Samantha Ronson should, in fact, be bracketed in euphemistic quotation marks.
Well, thank God. At last, tabloids and magazines can finally porn over this real-life hot lezza action without fearing libel. And judging by the enthusiasm with which they have applied themselves, this has sure been a case of long and tortuous foreplay. "Li-Lo: I'm a Lesbo" screeches the Sun next to a picture of its daily Page 3 girl, presumably acting as a visual aid. Although in truth, I think the best part here is how the word "disgusting" is bolded up and used as a subheading. So, lesbianism is, like, hot but also disgusting. So confusing! Meanwhile, other esteemed publications have contented themselves with recounting Lindsay's past interactions with men (she gets it on with guys, too! Threesome ahoy!) and worrying whether Samantha can keep her "satisfied" (of course she can't. Samantha's a woman. Duh!).
God, lesbians are sexy, aren't they? Well, sometimes. I can't seem to recall anyone, not even Tony Parsons, getting overly sweaty-palmed about, I don't know, Jodie Foster, or kd lang, or Sex and the City's Cynthia Nixon. Prurient, a little disapproving, irresistibly fascinated, perhaps, but no descriptions of any of the above's "sexy and stunning" figure, which is what one tabloid wrote of Lindsay yesterday.
So we need to add a clause to the generally accepted truism of the hotness of lesbians. They need to be young, they need to be conventionally attractive, and ideally they need to have shared a bed with Calum Best, because that way you know that they put out for the dark side and even grunting and wet-palmed male Sun readers might stand a chance.
