Name: Joggling.
Age: Supposedly invented in 1975.
Appearance: Like a clown during a fire drill.
Funny, it sounds like a combination of “juggling” and “jogging”. That’s precisely what it is – juggling while jogging.
Wouldn’t the balls end up behind you? How little you understand physics.
So it’s an actual thing? It’s more than a thing. It’s an established and fast-growing sport.
Juggling while jogging is not a sport. It’s attention-seeking behaviour for people who think all attention is good attention. It is a sport and the rules are simple.
There are rules? If you drop one of the balls, you have to return to the spot where you dropped it before setting off again.
You would have to do that anyway, because that’s where the ball is. As I said, the rules are simple. They apply only for the purposes of competition, too.
Sorry, there are competitions? The first one was held in 1980. This year’s World Joggling Championships will take place in July in Green Bay, Wisconsin. There are dozens of events, organised by distance and number of balls.
So, like, the three-ball 100m? Exactly. The Canadian joggler Michal Kapral has done five balls over 500 metres – no drops – in just over two minutes.
Huh, that’s … impressive. Kapral has run marathons while juggling; in fact, he holds the Guinness world record for the fastest time: two hours, 50 minutes, 12 seconds.
That’s a competitive time for any marathon runner. When Kapral ran the New York City marathon without joggling, in 2015, it took him more than a minute longer.
He should have brought his balls. He couldn’t; that year, the marathon prohibited jogglers.
Blatant discrimination! The joggler Chris Pert called it “the biggest bummer in joggling history”.
I agree. You’re not allowed to bring knitting needles, either.
While we’re here, are there any other ridiculous hybrid sports you would care to trick me into taking seriously? There’s polocrosse – a cross between lacrosse and polo.
Silly. Or skijoring, which is a winter rodeo where skiers are pulled through a course of jumps by a horse.
Can I do that while juggling? Only one way to find out.
Do say: “Maintain your pace and keep those balls high!”
Don’t say: “The circus is that way.”
