The annual unveiling of the UK’s top Christmas cracker jokes has delivered a fresh batch of topical humour, with gags targeting Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, Oasis, and Sabrina Carpenter among this year’s best.
The winning joke, a pointed quip about the former Duke of York, leads a list compiled from a nationwide competition.
For 13 years, TV channels U and Gold have invited viewers to submit their most inventive jokes. Following a shortlisting by a panel of experts, a public vote involving 2,000 British adults determined the final ranking.
Ben Smith from Chelmsford, Essex, authored the top joke and received a prize package including £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper, and bespoke U and Gold Christmas crackers.
Gerald Casey, director of programmes, comedy and entertainment at UKTV, praised the entries, stating: "Congratulations to our 2025 winners. Another fantastic year of hilarious entries, showing that the British public are as funny as ever when it comes to the news.
“We hope to spread even more Christmas cheer with our festive U and Gold Christmas programming, including much-loved classic episodes from the likes of The Vicar Of Dibley, The Fast Show and Only Fools And Horses."
The top six jokes from the competition will be featured in the crackers given to the winners.
Here are U and Gold’s top 10 Christmas cracker jokes:
1. “Why is (former) Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles.”
2. “Why don’t Noel and Liam (Gallagher) want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up.”
3. “Which pop star carves her own wooden nativity scene? Sabrina Carpenter.”
4. “What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They’re both out in the cold.”
5. “What is a French burglar’s favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually.”
6. “Could Lily Allen and David Harbour get back together for Christmas? Stranger Things have happened.”
7. “Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.”
8. “What is Claudia Winkleman’s favourite part of Christmas dinner? The taters.”
9. “Does Celia Imrie beat her family at Christmas party games? Yes, she trumps them all.”
10. “Where has Santa been more than Nigel Farage? His house in Clacton.”
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