Lives with her husband and two daughters, aged two and five. Works four days a week for Oxfam
My job requires a lot of overtime and involves working weird hours, so my network of friends has shrunk to just four or five people who live around the corner. My partner and I have the added pressure that we both have to work out of the country for four-and-a-half months of the year between us. Before children, we'd try to make our trips coincide, but now it means that we don't see each other for four-and-a half-months, and that can be very stressful.
I work for a very flexible employer, but I'm one of only two in my office with children, and if you have kids and work part-time, it's difficult to stay until seven every evening, which a lot of my colleagues do.
I get incredibly tired and I get angry, too, because I feel I'm failing on both fronts - at home because I'm not there enough, and in my job because I'm not putting the hours in. There's no time to buy clothes for myself. I do all my shopping on websites, or if I do get to the shops, it's what I call binge-shopping, when you're with the kids and just grab the first thing off the rail.
By the time I've got the children to bed at night and spent time with my husband - because that's important, too - there's no time for me. Weekends are now so precious with the kids that we don't get away together as a couple either. We share the childcare and, luckily, my partner is much tidier and cleaner than me - the one luxury I'd most like is a cleaner.
The finances of childcare are debilitating, limiting the things we can do, but last year we took three months off to go travelling and, in that time, I noticed the children's confidence grow. I'm convinced it was because they were with their parents the whole time.
I have one friend who sacrificed a lot by moving up to Scotland. She bought a cheaper house so that her children could be brought up outdoors in a "let's paint stones for the day" kind of world. It makes me feel really jealous, but at the same time I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a full-time mum.
Karen Randle
Lives with her husband and four children, aged between four and 12. She works 18 hours a week for a music charity
I would find it completely pointless working more than 18 hours a week as I see this time with my children as probably the best time of my life, and I want to be there for them.
My job suits me because it's flexible and now that all four children are at school I've got time on my own - although there's still plenty to do. Then there is this sudden rush and huge scramble to fit everything in during the peak hours at the end of the day. That's often a stressful time because each child might have a friend back, which means cooking for eight. Luckily, I like having lots of kids in the house. I like the chaos. But the endless short journeys and picking up four children with very different needs can be frustrating and I sometimes don't feel I have enough time for each of them.
I plan ahead and get the lunchboxes and ironing done the night before, which avoids a mad panic in the morning. It also helps that I'm quite low maintenance - I don't wear makeup or blow-dry my hair every morning, which saves time.
One reason I was able to have four children is that my husband doesn't work late and can help with picking up and putting to bed. A lot of my choices have been made because he earns enough for both of us. I never minded giving up my teaching career, nor is it too late to train for something else.
I do all the cooking and make meals from scratch - we just have the odd packet of fish fingers lurking in the freezer, but I do have a cleaner twice a week. Without help, it would be pretty stressful.
I look at friends with full-time careers, who are barely coping, and I'm so glad I'm not one of them.
Holidays are important to us and we budget to be able to go away at least three times a year as a family. We also make sure we get away one weekend a year without the children.
Rita Thomas
Lives in Wales with her husband, who is a solicitor, and their two children, aged four and seven. She works from home as a proof-reader and volunteers in a drugs rehab unit
When it's bad, it's really bad. I set the alarm for 5am to get to the computer before anyone wakes up. Friends think I'm mad, and my husband turns over and groans, but it's the only time I have just for me when I know I won't be interrupted. Sometimes I try to stay up late after the children and my husband are in bed so that I can catch up with emails and work that needs checking, but my eyes are just too bleary then.
Some days if I'm working at home I don't get out of my tracksuit and only put on some mascara to fetch the children from school. I must look a wreck. Sometimes I'm aware I'm hiding behind dark glasses even when the sun isn't shining.
I've taken to shopping by catalogue, though it doesn't work because I'm pear-shaped and most trousers and skirts don't fit me. One of the most irritating things is queuing up at the post office to send stuff back when I've got work mounting up at home. My husband helps as much as he can, but he's not the sort of man who naturally picks up a dishcloth.
I'm always racing and constantly feel stressed. Last week I nearly had a car crash because I was trying to deal with a child who was having a tantrum. In the end I just screamed so loudly at my daughter that I scared myself. At times like this you feel a failure.
I'd rather live like this - earning some money, doing the drugs rehab work and being there for my children when they come home - than like other mums I know, who are never around. The main problem is that I know it's not great for my health. I often feel my brain is scrambled with too much stuff and I'm so distracted that I fail to take notice of everyone's needs.
Pat Thomas
Is an author and editor of an alternative health newsletter. She is a single mother witha 12-year-old son
I've been pretty committed to being freelance and working from home ever since I got pregnant. I knew I couldn't have it all, I knew I would have to make some changes.
I'm here when Alex leaves in the morning, and I'm usually here when he gets home. Since I'm a single mother, the burden is on me, and I have to do a lot of time-shifting. I make sure I work all day, then take a break to spend time with him in the evening, and sometimes go back to work at night.
I've given up a whole lot to work from home - you don't get known if you're not seen around as much, you don't progress as you might have done, it is a compromise. But there always is - being at home with a small child and bored is no different from being in an office and bored by the people - and it's less important than raising the next generation.
It can be stressful working from home, especially if you're writing. You need to focus, and children demand attention if they're hungry or they've had a bad day ... It requires enormous discipline to split work from family time.
I was always grateful to other parents who would take my son one day and I'd have their kids another day. Without that kind of support we would not have survived. Perhaps women who believed they could have it all don't feel they can ask for help.
Karen Garvin
Lives with her partner and two children, aged five and eight. She works from home as a PR consultant
I work from home and that does give me more flexibility than if I was based in an office. Fitting everything in can be difficult, especially if I have to travel abroad for work, which sometimes happens. But I do feel an enormous sense of liberation when I leave the house and everything that happens there behind to go to a work meeting.
If I had the choice I wouldn't want to give up work entirely. I think it can be quite frustrating being at home with children full-time. As time goes by, I think I get better at managing my time. Because I'm based at home, I can be at school at 3.30pm to pick the children up, and so avoid the guilt I'd feel if I couldn't do that. I'm very lucky because my partner also works from home and so does my next-door neighbour, who also has children, so we can help each other out to make the juggling act work.
Rachel Cohen
A musician, lives in London with her husband, also a musician, and four children aged between four and 11
I have to attend rehearsals during the day and my performances are in the evening. I do find that I'm sometimes sprinting from the tube to get into the playground to pick the children up in time and sprinting home from a performance in time to catch the last train. It can be tiring but it's also very energising keeping all the balls up in the air.
I think it's very important that I'm doing something for myself as well as for my family and children. I work freelance because that gives me more flexibility with my family, but it can mean that I get offered work at the last minute. I do have periods when I'm not working, but the thought of this going on indefinitely would kill me.
I really enjoy the work that I do, it gives me a high, and when I come home it makes me feel I want to give more to the children. The two things complement each other. I sit on the tube on the way to work planning out ways that I can be a better mother.
· Additional interviews by Diane Taylor and Clare Longrigg
