There are plenty of big things in the world to worry about: from the cost of living crisis to the climate emergency, there’s a lot going on. At the same time, there are multiple distractions, whether that’s our devices or the everyday pressures of work and family life, creating enough noise to take our attention away from what really matters.
“People are finding it harder than ever to work out what matters to them,” says positive psychology coach and author of The Little Book of Positivity, Faye Edwardes. “But taking actions that align with our values contributes so much to our wellbeing, and can boost our happiness and satisfaction levels.”
So, how do you learn to tune out the noise, find out what your values are, and start taking positive action? Try these five steps and see what a difference they (and you) can make.
Make time for reflection
The first step towards finding meaning is giving yourself time to do it – which means resisting the urge to be permanently switched on.
“Even before Covid, we’d started to see having time out as a bit of a weakness,” says Edwardes. “These days, our sense of self-importance comes from being busy, and we also tend to view our free time as something we need to get the most out of – we almost see our hobbies as another pursuit of accomplishment. Plus, of course, thanks to devices, we have the world in our pocket, so rather than look within ourselves for answers, we just look on our phones.”
Making time each day for reflection is easier than you might think – instead of spending your time on the loo scrolling through social media, which 41% of us do, consider ditching your phone and using that time to let your thoughts wander instead.
Practise gratitude
A speedy way of giving yourself space to reflect is to try daily gratitude exercises – which can also help you to identify your core values.
“In the morning, write down three things you’re grateful for, and in the evening three good things that happened today,” says Edwardes. “By doing these exercises, you discover things about yourself that you didn’t know you didn’t know. You might think: ‘I’m grateful for the trees and for birdsong – but I didn’t realise those things were so important to me.’”
Once you’ve identified what you’re grateful for, you can start thinking about how you can work towards a world with more of them in it – so, if nature is something you really care about, you can start taking steps towards protecting it.
Try the ‘gravestone exercise’
You might have wondered how you’d like to be remembered – but have you ever really examined what you want your legacy to be, and taken steps to make sure it happens?
“To do the ‘gravestone exercise’, sit and close your eyes, put your feet on the floor, and place your hands in your lap,” says Edwardes. “Then picture this scenario: you’re at your funeral, and everybody’s there. What do you want to be remembered for? What words do you want people to use to describe you? What would you like your legacy to be, if any?”
Once you know what you’d like your ultimate impact on the world to be, you can start thinking about how to make it a reality – whether that’s by supporting your local community, focusing on personal creativity, or reducing your carbon footprint.
“When people do this exercise, they never say: ‘I want people to remember my big house and nice car,’” says Edwardes. “It’s a great exercise that helps us see what actually matters to us.”
Convert your values into action
Once you’ve worked out your values, it’s time to take action – and the good news is that the most effective steps you can take (to begin with, at least) are small ones.
“Some people change their job to align with their values – think of those billionaires who pivot into philanthropy – but you don’t have to go that far,” says Edwardes. “By starting small, we’re far more likely to see things through, and when we replace the habits that don’t serve us with ones that do, they build up and up.”
For example, if your values are linked to the environment, you might want to make small changes to your everyday habits to reflect that. More than 1m trees a day are cut down (pdf) to make traditional toilet paper, so switching to a more eco-friendly brand such as Who Gives A Crap (which also donates half its profits to ensure communities have access to clean water and sanitation) is a great first step. It gives you the options of recycled paper or bamboo loo roll and you have the added bonus that its double-length rolls are saving you money as well.
“Taking small steps, like using a loo roll that aligns with your values, will give you a sense of wellbeing every time you use it,” says Edwardes. “Once you’ve got a few small changes stacked up together, they can make a big difference.”
Establish boundaries
If you’re pursuing the things that matter to you, creating firm boundaries will help you stay on track and stop that outside noise creeping back in.
“In the UK, particularly, we’re massive people-pleasers, and it’s perceived as being rude to say ‘no’ to things,” says Edwardes. “But that’s how we end up compromising our own values – because we don’t want to appear rude.
“We need to understand that, generally, when we say ‘no’ to the things we don’t want to do, we get more respect from those around us, because they can see we’re standing up for our beliefs and giving time to the things that truly matter to us.”
So if you meet resistance when it comes to that new habit (although who would say “no” to using ethical loo roll?), don’t feel bad if you have to say “no”.
Shop for Who Gives A Crap’s 100% recycled or bamboo toilet paper today
