A scandal at a camel beauty contest in Saudi Arabia has given Edgeworth's Gary Lawless the hump.
Here, Gary shares his thoughts on the matter.
The annual contest for the "most beautiful camel" attracts many entries and offers millions of dollars in prizemoney for the winners.
However, it seems that certain camel contestants are cheating by altering their appearance with cosmetic enhancement in an effort to sway the judges in their decisions.
Apparently, when choosing a winner, the judges consider the contestant's "head, neck, hump, dress and posture".
This is news to me as I always considered a camel to be an inherently ugly creature, with no redeeming features other than being able to carry heavy loads over long distances, with little or no water to drink.
Useful I agree, but the camel is no beauty by any standards.
So, in an effort to overcome the camel's shortcomings, owners entering their favourite in these contests are resorting to cheating. Apparently it is quite common to "plump the hump", along with Botox injections to the lips and those hideous wrinkles around the eyes and face that plague all camels, young or old, and to employ a fitness regime to contour the neck and rump.
A total facelift is not uncommon, but unfortunately is rarely successful, as more times than not, it only makes the camel look like a giraffe without its spots.
It is noted that judges also base their vote on the camel's "dress and posture". This aspect alone brings forward a few questions that need answers.
I mean, what sort of dress does a camel wear to accent its best features? A mini skirt comes immediately to mind, but that may be a little too much, and may be viewed as a blatant attempt to sway the judges.
A low slung evening dress or a little black number may be more appropriate.
Now as far as posture is concerned, a camel's natural posture can be likened to a hunchbacked llama on steroids. So to have a chance to win, this needs improvement. How this is achieved is beyond me, but I suspect the illegal use of a cattle prod may be involved.
Mind you, if I owned an entry with millions of dollars at stake, I might be persuaded to try a few tricks. For instance, I once had a horse that could only be described as "wanting" in the looks department and would have been a prime candidate for some work.
He was as hairy as an orangutan with a roman nose, knocked knees, the posture of a yak and temperament of a bear with a migraine.
However, I am waxing nostalgic here and, regardless of all his shortcomings, he was a good and reliable workhorse. The more I think about it, the more I think I could not change a thing about that old nag.
I just hope that this trend in animal enhancement does not get out of hand, or is taken up by pet owners who think their dog or cat would benefit from plumper lips or a facelift to win "best of show".
My dog Bella, for instance, looks perfect the way she is. Mind you, she could try a different shade of lipstick and the tutu she wears is a bit threadbare and out of fashion.
I jest of course, her lipstick is fine the way it is, and I would not change a thing about her. She may never win a dog show, but she is a fine companion and keeps the backyard free of cats, possums and other pesky critters.
What more could you ask for?
