Name: The sneezing monkey.
Age: Depends what you mean.
Please don’t be difficult. OK. Biologically about 7m years; scientifically five years; in environmental PR terms, a few hours.
I have no idea what you are on about. The Myanmar snub-nosed monkey (AKA Rhinopithecus strykeri or “Snubby”) is a species of monkey first identified five years ago. It lives in the northernmost part of Myanmar, in the eastern Himalayas, and there are only about 400 left because of hunting and habitat destruction.
A familiar tale. Where does the sneezing come in? Locals have told scientists the monkeys are easy to find because, owing to their upturned noses, water gets into their nostrils when it rains and they start sneezing. On rainy days, they sit with their heads tucked between their legs to stop the water getting up their noses.
You’re making this up to avoid having to write about the Tory conference. It’s all absolutely true. Locals call it mey nwoah, “the monkey with an upturned face”, and provide it with a regular supply of tissues. OK, that bit’s made up.
Why is Snubby in the news now? Because the World Wide Fund for Nature has revealed that the Myanmar snub-nosed monkey is one of more than 200 new species discovered in the eastern Himalayas in recent years. As well as the sneezing monkey, they are very excited about a walking fish.
Who wouldn’t be? How far can it walk? Well, perhaps “walk” is a bit of journalistic licence on the part of WWF – all for a good cause, you understand. It can wriggle about a quarter of a mile between pools of water.
So a wriggling fish? Yes, I admit it doesn’t sound quite so interesting. But the monkey definitely sneezes.
What’s the good cause? Keeping threatened species alive, of course. “These discoveries show there is still a huge amount to learn about the species that share our world,” says WWF’s Heather Sohl. “It’s a stark reminder that if we don’t act now to protect these fragile ecosystems, untold natural riches could be lost for ever.”
Not to be confused with: The blob fish, dumbo octopus, star-nosed mole, aye-aye and axolotl – chart-toppers among the world’s weird species.
What about humans – the weirdist species of all? Good point.
Do say: “Bless you.”
Don’t say: “Aren’t there snub-nosed monkeys in China and Vietnam? Do they sneeze too?”
