Beware prioritising material possessions over time spent with your child. Children are like sponges and will soak up what’s around them, so your actions are important. If you want – and get – stuff all the time, they will expect that, too. Spend time with them, listen to them, talk to them. Help your child feel secure.
Understand that there’s a difference between wanting and needing. What your child needs most is a connection with you. They need that far more than the latest gizmo they say they want. It’s up to you to gently show them that. Children are not born entitled or spoilt. If they are, there’s often a lack of emotional connection with the important people in their lives.
Parenting styles have changed for the better. We’re less authoritarian and want to respect our children, but that doesn’t mean they should get everything they want. Saying no to your child is not a bad thing; neither is them crying because you’ve said it. Don’t get angry because they’re showing emotion – listen to their outburst. Cuddling and chatting at those times helps release the sense of entitlement. You’ll help them understand that it’s not all about them.
The word ‘entitled’ gets a bad press. It’s great that our children want the best for themselves, and have high expectations of their lives.
Your older children and teenagers still need you. Find out the best times for spending time with them: when are they receptive to you, and to making a connection? Let them know that they’re important. If they’re secure and are nurtured, they’ll be compassionate towards others.
Interview by Camilla Palmer. Kate Orson is the author of Tears Heal: How To Listen To Our Children, published by Piatkus.
