Know that your child’s autism is part of who they are. It doesn’t make them any less valuable. Encouraging your child to behave in a non-autistic way will not increase their chances of being happy and successful; being accepted for who they are and supported with the things they find challenging will.
Be aware of your child’s sensory differences. They may process sound, smells, tastes, textures, touch and light differently. If so, fix the environment rather than expecting them to cope. Give them noise-cancelling headphones in noisy places; create a quiet space they can retreat to during get-togethers; don’t make them wear clothes whose textures are painful to them; if they hate birthday parties, don’t make them go.
Try to limit anxiety. Offer structure (visual timetables) and routine (do the same for every holiday), and don’t push them too far outside their comfort zone (but do push them a bit).
Fill in the missing blanks. Explain unspoken social rules and use logic: “You shouldn’t scream as it hurts other people’s ears and they won’t want to do nice things for you if you do.” Write the explanation down, with visuals, along with suggestions of what the child can do if they think they are going to scream.
Value autistic traits. My son doesn’t lie, he’s never sly or manipulative, and it would not occur to him to put anyone down. These are some of the many reasons why people like him and I’m proud to be his mum. If he weren’t autistic, would these qualities be there? Impossible to know, but I suspect his autism has helped to make him the funny, kind and clever boy he is.
• Autism: How To Raise a Happy Autistic Child, by Jessie Hewitson, is published by Orion Spring at £14.99. To buy a copy for £12.74, go to guardianbookshop.com.
