Swearing is great, but if you’re a new parent, you might want to knock it on the head. If you think it gets through to your wee one when you say “I love you”, consider that the things you say when stuck in traffic might seep through as well. Record yourself while driving and listen back: it will help you get a true sense of how reflexive your habit is – and you’ll hear how brutal it sounds when swearing just slips out.
Some people employ the idea of speaking at all times as though their mother were in the room. The effectiveness of this obviously depends on how sweary a parent you have; substituting another shockable, easily disappointed authority figure (the pope, a former teacher, Mary Berry) could also prove useful.
Placing money in a ‘swear jar’ whenever you turn the air blue brings a financial incentive to sanitise your language – take the money and spend it on a treat for the family.
You could go for a simple substitution. Swapping in acceptable soundalikes (“Shoot”, etc), colourful Captain Haddockesque epithets or arbitrary phrases (such as Phil Dunphy from Modern Family’s cries of “Sweet and sour chicken!”) can all be helpful.
An extreme but effective solution involves wearing an elastic band on your wrist and, every time you use a forbidden word, giving it a snap. You’ll eventually associate certain words with pain and avoid them without thinking. Whatever you choose, good luck, and remember: no mofo’s perfect.
