Take it seriously. It might seem like an eternity since you were in the throes of heartbreak, and that your child is too young to be suffering. But if it’s making them unhappy, then it matters.
If you’re delighted they’ve broken up with someone you weren’t keen on, keep that emotion hidden. Perhaps they knew you didn’t like their partner and will accuse you of being hypocritical – keep it simple and say that you can’t bear them being unhappy.
Ask if there’s anything that might make them feel a bit better. Take them for lunch or to the cinema. Acknowledge that they’re feeling miserable, but that the endless days need to be got through somehow.
Don’t say, “It’s not the end of the world.” It feels like it to them and it is the end of something very precious: their first love. Do say, “It may not feel like it just now, but things will get better.” It’s a delicate balance, recognising how dreadful they feel without letting it become all-consuming.
Ending a relationship can be as painful as being the one who’s getting dumped. It can be very hard to recognise that you’re not with the right person, that a love you thought would last for ever is over and it’s not making you happy. Applaud their maturity in walking away and comfort them for having to make that decision.
You can’t fix this for them, but you can be there for as much and as long as they need you. Don’t jolly them along – but give them company and the chance to talk, for as long as it takes.
By Joan McFadden with input from Matt Whyman, author of advice books for teenagers
