YESTERDAY’S NEWS
José Mourinho is a busted flush. A spent force. Past it, jiggered, old hat. It’s an argument The Fiver heard all last season and for the best part of this one. To be fair, we fully bought into that analysis, having failed to be wholly convinced by the manner in which his Manchester United side somehow shipped three good goals to Claude Puel’s Southampton Nil in the Tin Pot final back in February. But upon waking after a prolonged period of non-rapid eye movement induced at 8.46pm CEST on Wednesday night, we discovered that United have added Big Cup Qualification (© BT Sport), the tournament formerly known as Big Vase, to their seasonal swag bag. And by winning Big Cup Qup, José has not only inspired United to a pretty darn successful season all told, which was his job, but he’s also seriously got under the skin of his doubters, which to him will be of much greater import. You know exactly what fuels him, you’ve got to admire his genius.
It’s basically his Chelsea team that won the league, too, isn’t it?
Mourinho follows in the footsteps of Giovanni Trappatoni and – he’ll love this – Rafa Benítez as a Big Cup Qup champion with two different clubs, having already won the prize with Porto in 2003 when the Portuguese beat the Queen’s Celtic 9.2, 9.3, 9.0, 9.9, 9.5, 9.5, 9.6, 9.8 after extra-time. But the manager wasn’t the only man traipsing in the wake of greatness. Wayne Rooney, captain, leader, did that thing the legendary Plain Old John Terry does, of working his way into the centre of shot despite having done next to nix over the long haul. Rooney wasn’t at all interested in sharing trophy-lifting duties with the ever-impressive Antonio Valencia, the Gary Cahill of Wednesday’s piece. Instead he hoisted Big Vase high into the air all by himself, richly deserved reward for the 257 sweat-soaked seconds of graft he’d put in at the coalface. Plus he had to heave his way through United’s joyous squad to get near the shiny silver in the first place, like a man in a crowded bar desperately trying to order a pair of pints plus chasers, crisps and scratchings before lasties. That took some effort too, in fairness, and it’s another significant achievement to chalk up before he leaves Old Trafford for the relative wastelands of the Chinese Super League, MLS, or Everton.
The biggest achievement of all, it goes without saying, was putting a smile, however weary and bittersweet, back on the face of a city still mourning the loss of so many beautiful souls. Ander Herrera wasted no time in dedicating the victory to the victims of Monday’s attack. “We are just football players but we have an audience so we want to work together for a normal world,” he said. “This happened in Manchester but everywhere we want to see a united world and fight for peace.” Herrera was his usual magnificent self against Ajax, the deserving winner of the man-of-the-match award, and his busy style has alerted Barcelona, who have reportedly made it their mission to spirit him away during the summer. Concerned United fans of a certain age may recall how Ipswich Town started shedding their best players after their maiden victory in Uefa’s secondary competition in 1981 too. They were relegated within five years.
No, that’s not going to happen to United, is it?
QUOTE OF THE DAY
24 May: “His first full season was last year and he was happy to give the club the option to continue. I don’t see any problem with us having this period and then, with more time and calm, discuss an extension. I don’t see a problem” – new Nasty Leeds chairman Andrea Radrizzani on manager Garry Monk’s future.
25 May: “We are shocked and disappointed by Garry’s decision but his resignation has been reluctantly accepted” – oh.
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FIVER LETTERS
“It looks like The Fiver has maintained its usual high editorial standards with its self-effacing sign-off in WingDings yesterday by forgetting the final character; unless the aim was to talk about printer spacing sizes I guess ‘the en’ was not what you were going for. I do like the irony of the missing character being a ‘d’, which in WingDings is a rather fitting 👎” – William Wardley.
“Yes, Manchester United. Ain’t what it used to be. I know it, you know it, United fans know it. And so did José Mourinho know it. Check the team’s knack list. Check the table going into the final month of the season. There were two teams he had to pass in order to qualify for Big Cup. No chance at all to win the Premier League. Two teams, not one, that his team through 34 games still trailed. Did he give up on moving up in the standings? No. He simply faced reality and made Big Cup his goal. Good call. What’s the problem” – Spencer Ross.
“Sam Allardyce? He’s gonna do Strictly, isn’t he?” – Matthew Atkinson.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … William Wardley, who receives a copy of The Agony & The Ecstasy: a Comprehensive History of the Football League Play-offs, courtesy of the kind chap that is Richard Foster.
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Fifa president Gianni Infantino admits there have been human rights abuses of workers involved in the construction of St Petersburg arena due to host matches in next year’s World Cup.
Norwich City have pulled a Huddersfield and raided Dortmund’s backroom to appoint Daniel Farke as manager. “The more I know about Norwich City, the more excited I get,” he Partridged.
Marco Silva is weighing up whether Watford or Crystal Palace is his best bet.
Monaco have signed the brilliant young Belgian midfielder Youri Tielemans for €25m. “We are very happy because it proves the increasing attractiveness of our project,” whooped club suit Vadim Vasilyev, simultaneously managing to decrease the attractiveness of said ‘project’.
Everton boss Ronald Koeman is sniffing around Southampton defender Cuco Martina. “A clear objective will be to bring in players who will have more productivity,” he cheered.
The Leyton Orient Fans’ Trust could try and save the club from liquidation by taking it into administration.
And Francesco Totti has finally confirmed that Sunday’s Serie A match against Genoa will be his last for the club. “From Monday, I’m ready to go again,” he roared. “I’m ready for a new challenge. I just feel that my love for football never fades. It’s a passion, my passion. It’s so deep I can’t imagine not fuelling it any longer. Ever.” OK.
THE RECAP
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STILL WANT MORE?
José Mourinho may have demonstrated once again his mastery of the pragmatic arts in stifling Ajax’s young aesthetes, but Manchester United fans should expect a bit of poetry in the soul of their team’s football, sighs Jonathan Wilson.
When Arsenal and Chelsea last met in the FA Cup final, in 2002, the Gunners ruled London and proved it by winning 2-0, but it was the last hurrah of their capital supremacy and was the prelude to a new era of dominance, muses Amy Lawrence.
Talking of the way things were, Michael Cox remembers Georgi Kinkladze, Manchester City’s absurdly talented mid-90s cult hero who was nonetheless unable to prevent relegation, and what his spell in English football told us about the Premier League’s inability to adapt in its early days.
Michael also has things to say about Ajax’s performance in Big Vase final. Critical things, mainly, about their lack of a plan B to counter Mourinho’s dastardly trophy-winning ways.
How did your – and our – Premier League predictions go? Spoiler: not well!
Brighton’s promotion to the Premier League brings back memories of 1983, their FA Cup final appearance and previous spell in the top flight. Steven Pye stirs those memories.
And to mark the 50th anniversary of the Queen’s Celtic’s revered Big Cup triumph of 1967, here’s a pictorial celebration.
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