Question #2 of GOBankingRates’ Top 100 Money Experts Series
What’s the best way to handle financial disagreements in a relationship?
Who doesn’t love a story that ends with “and they lived happily ever after”? Whether it’s a fairy tale or a rom-com, everyone swoons when the pair that belonged together all along finally heads off into the sunset hand in hand.
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Yet the story usually ends at this point. There’s no mention of what that happily ever after really looks like — sharing space, juggling busy schedules and navigating arguments about money.
Part of merging your life with someone else’s means integrating your finances. Depending on your upbringing, personal history and beliefs, you could be bringing some very different money mindsets to the table — and serving up a perfect recipe for conflict.
Fortunately, according to Rachel Cruze, bestselling author and financial expert, achieving that “happily ever after” is possible — even when you’re still figuring out how to manage money as a couple.
GOBankingRates caught up with Cruze to ask why couples fight about money and what they can do to achieve their own financial harmony.
It Goes Deeper Than Dollars and Cents
Sometimes, a fight that seems like it’s all about money isn’t just about dollars and cents. Cruze explained that most financial disagreements stem from deeper emotional issues, like trust, communication and feeling disconnected from your partner.
“I always say: Money touches every part of your life, from what groceries you buy to the dreams you have for your future,” she said. “So if there’s tension in how you’re handling money, it’s going to spill over into everything else. That’s why I’m such a big believer in working together, not separately.”
Understanding that there are emotional and philosophical factors at play in how you and your partner think about money is key to having practical, productive conversations about your finances. Cruze’s advice? “Stop hiding, start communicating, and get on a plan together.”
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Balancing Money Personalities
Remember that old Paula Abdul tune, “Opposites Attract”? (You know, the one where she dances with a cartoon cat?) Well, she might have been onto something when it comes to love. And when it comes to money, opposites often do attract, like when a spender marries a saver.
That pairing might sound like a recipe for conflict, but Cruze said it can actually be a strength — if you approach it the right way.
“The key is not trying to change each other but learning how to work together,” she said. “You’ve got to set goals as a couple and create a budget that reflects both of your values.”
She points to her own marriage as an example. She and her husband, Winston, include “fun money” in their budget so each of them has the freedom to spend a little without guilt or resentment.
“It’s all part of our shared plan,” she said. “Remember: You’re not two individuals managing money; you’re a team. And teams win when they communicate and stay focused on the same goal.”
Handling Disagreements
Cruze is quick to remind you that financial disagreements are normal in any relationship. The important thing isn’t avoiding them — it’s handling them with empathy and honesty.
“Start by reminding yourself: You’re not enemies. You’re on the same team,” she said. “Be willing to have those tough conversations, really listen, and try to understand where your spouse is coming from.”
Cruze also recommends professional support if you’re feeling stuck.
“My friend Dr. Les Parrott says, ‘Conflict is the price we pay for deeper intimacy.’ And he’s right,” she said. “Sometimes a good counselor can help too! Just don’t avoid the issue. Facing it head-on with grace and honesty is what brings growth and unity in your marriage.”
Building Unity
Just like regular date nights help keep the romance alive, you and your partner should also consider a monthly budget check-in to stay financially in sync.
“Just sit down, look at your income and expenses, and plan where every dollar is going for the month. It doesn’t have to be stressful or super formal,” she said.
She and Winston do this every month, and she says it gives them peace of mind and keeps them on the same page.
“We also use the EveryDollar budgeting app, which makes it easy for both of us to see what’s going on,” she added.
EveryDollar is a zero-based budgeting app designed to help individuals and couples assign a purpose to every dollar, making it a practical tool for building unity and staying organized.
“When you make budgeting a routine, it builds trust, reduces stress, and helps you feel like you’re on the same team,” Cruze said.
Bottom Line
Happily ever after doesn’t just mean candlelit dinners — it also means coming together to navigate the everyday realities of building a life together, like figuring out your budget.
If you follow Rachel Cruze’s advice and lead with communication, create shared goals and build in regular check-ins, you might just argue less, save more and grow stronger together.
This article is part of GOBankingRates’ Top 100 Money Experts series, where we spotlight expert answers to the biggest financial questions Americans are asking. Got a question of your own? You could win $500 just for asking — learn more at GOBankingRates.com.
Laura Bogart contributed to the reporting for this article.
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This article originally appeared on GOBankingRates.com: The Real Reason Couples Fight About Money — and How To Fix It, According to Rachel Cruze
