First there was a movie, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, about a bunch of British old folk retiring to India. It inspired a reality TV show, The Real Marigold Hotel, in which famous British old folk were sent to India to see what it would really be like to retire there. Now there is an offshoot of that, The Real Marigold on Tour (BBC One) in which cast members from earlier series are sent off to various countries to see what growing old is like there. Starting with China, specifically the city of Chengdu.
There are just the four of them here. Well, I suppose that happens in real retirement homes – friends disappear. They seem to be pleased to see each other at the airport: hello darling, mwah mwah. No kissing for Bobby George, though, he’s a darts player, not a bleedin’ luvvie.
They deal with the language issue (which is a big one in China) in the usual ways: shouting, and using any old foreign language. “WHICH IS THE WAY TO THE BUS TO THE CENTRE?” “Cuatro,” says Wayne Sleep, when they’ve found the bus and they need four tickets.
On the bus into town is a local lady who is 80, but looks younger, lean and active. “We’re fat, that’s the problem,” explains Miriam Margolyes. Which seems a little unfair on some of the others, certainly on Wayne, who isn’t.
When they get to their house, they are soon squabbling over rooms like kids on holiday. “I’ve bagged it,” says Rosemary Shrager, about the best room. “No, I’ve already bagged it,” says Miriam. But then there turns out to be an even better room, upstairs, so Miriam unbags the first one and bags that one. They explain who they are and what they do (throw darts, chef, tap dancer, Professor Sprout) to their host, before going to their rooms to snooze and snore – out of both ends – before supper.
Dinner, at the nearby People’s Restaurant, isn’t a success. “Too bloody authentic,” moans Miriam, who is not one to experiment. “Experiments are for scientists, not for Margolyes.”
And a trip to the pool is even more of a disaster. The pool has a beach, waves and a pretend Mediterranean village on its shores. It’s part of a vast shopping centre, and Miriam hates it, mainly because it doesn’t fit in with her idea of what China should be like.
Sorry, this is mainly about her, but so increasingly is the programme, in spite of Rosemary’s efforts to grab some of the attention for herself. Miriam has bagged the show from her as well.
At the (more successful) trip to the Chengdu Panda Base, Miriam – a big fan of pandas it turns out – is overcome with emotion and bursts into tears. “So beautiful,” she sobs at the first sight of one. “I didn’t expect it just to be there. You just see it, just like that.” What did you expect? In a panda base?
Rosemary is much amused. “It looks lovely,” she says. “But obviously it doesn’t do that to me. How sweet.” The boys – Wayne and Bobby – you can pretty much forget about. They are actually quite lovely, but they have faded into the background.
There is a bit of finding out about retirement in China, too. They go to the local park to join the locals playing Jianzi (kind of shuttlecock keepy-uppy, sadly not allowed in Scrabble – the word I mean). And to dance and sing: “There is that one beautiful flower on this land / Only does it blossom and thrive from its strength of mine” ... And they visit a rural retreat for the sound of running water, communal activities and more singing: “How clear and bright are the sounds of victory songs / From now step towards prosperity and strength” ... (Nice touch that, translating the lyrics.)
Basically, over there, people are healthy, happy and enthusiastic – they do things together, play games, dance and sing. Whereas we are lonely and fat, we squabble and bagsy and moan and fart before we die. Still it does make amusing television, our way. Well, the contrast really – the differences between the two – that’s what this is about, and China is a good place to find differences.
Tea! We have that in common. Oh, Bobby doesn’t like the tea here, it’s horrible, he says, and bitter. Unless he’s talking about Miriam.
