Name: Trump magazine.
Age: Three days.
Motto: “Live Luxury, Never Settle.”
Do they mean “live luxuriously”? Possibly they do.
They need to get some proofreaders on that. Hey, “luxuriously” is a long word, you know. And this is Trump magazine, named after the president who, we are told, can read, but chooses not to.
A magazine for people who don’t like reading. Which genius came up with that? Well, details are thin on the ground, but it was the president’s second son, Eric Trump, who revealed the cover on Friday.
At least he’s trying something new. Actually, it has been tried before, kind of relentlessly. Trump Style launched in 1997. That was a free in-house magazine for guests and residents at Trump properties.
I see. Then, in 2002, it was sort of relaunched as a proper, profit-making magazine called Trump World.
How did that do? It closed after two issues.
Oh. Then it relaunched again in 2004, lost $3m, then re-re-relaunched as Trump magazine in 2006.
O… K. What was that like? Basically, just pictures of Trump, his family and various luxury goods. The motto then was “Think Big. Live Large”. It had a cover price of $5.99, and a website at trumpthemag.com.
I’ve just visited that address. There’s nothing there. No. In 2007, Trump magazine stopped paying its staff, then went bust owing more than $7m. Are you following so far?
I think so. And now this latest version is a re-re-re-relaunch? Not quite. That happened later in 2007, but then re-re-re-went bust, or something, in 2009. What Eric proudly announced is by my reckoning the re-re-re-re-relaunch of a Trump magazine.
Available on all good news stands? Unlikely. Since it has no visible barcode or cover price, it’s probably another free gift. It seems to be entirely about Trump’s hotels anyway.
You’ve got to admire Eric’s optimism, in the face of so much evidence that people don’t actually want a Trump magazine. The Trump family don’t worry too much about evidence, remember. If Trump senior wants his name on a magazine, that’s all that counts.
Wouldn’t it be simpler to make fake copies of a proper magazine, such as Time, and put his face on there? Yeah … I think several of his resorts did that already.
Do say: “I call it modern-day editorial.”
Don’t say: “Never Settle your debts.”
