MORE THAN A CLIPPING ABOUT KLOPP
Managerial announcements from Germany did not always get that much space in Big Paper back in the day. When Franz Beckenbauer took charge of the West German national team in 1984, for example, the subject was only broached in the sixth paragraph of a general football roundup. To be fair, the first five paragraphs were about Diego Maradona moving from Barcelona to Napoli in a reported world-record $7.5m deal, and people generally didn’t obsess about football in the middle of July back then, so we’re not exactly sure what we’re trying to say here. But whichever way you spin it, a story about one of the greatest players to ever play the game taking over one of the most successful international teams of all time was squirrelled away in the middle of page 18.
Compare and contrast to the amount of space given over to this morning’s announcement by Jürgen Klopp that he’s a bit bored now, and has decided to leave Borussia Dortmund at the end of the season. The lead story all morning on Big Electronic Paper, that was, and one that highlights the difference between the innocent past, when the movements of Beckenbauer and Maradona were a mere afterthought, and these more enlightened, cosmopolitan times, when everyone talks of the groundbreaking way “Kloppo” deployed his full-backs away at Arminia Bielefeld in 2009, despite having only watched “der BVB” twice in their lives – and one of those occasions was when they sat on the remote and accidentally activated the Sky red button during a Chelsea game.
Klopp instantly becomes a hot property, having led Dortumund to a Big Cup final as well as winning two Bundesliga title races none of us paid any attention to at the time, no matter how much we like to now pretend otherwise. “I am not tired,” began his transparent come-and-get-me plea today. “I may look tired but I am not. I am 0.0% tired.” Fans of the pulseless art of data crunching will have worked out that Klopp is raring to start again somewhere else, but for the rest of us who don’t squint at Excel documents all day in the futile hope of finding some meaning in our empty lives, he added for the purposes of clarification: “I haven’t had any contact with any other clubs but am not planning a sabbatical.” Cue excitable gossip linking Klopp to Manchester City, Arsenal, and Liverpool if they don’t win the cup, which they won’t, before he ends up at Real Madrid.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“My mum said to me two days after the fire: ‘Maybe you’re here for a reason.’ Well, maybe the reason I am here is to – finally – reveal the truth, not only for my own family but for the families of all the people who died around me. Everything I have found was available on public records in 1985 and should have been resolved while I was still in my teens, if not before. I shouldn’t be sat here at 42 saying what has been on public record since 1985 and unaddressed for 30 years. What I find amazing is that but for my survival none of this would have ever come to light. People would never have known. It’s a failure of a rule of law in this country. For it to be a left to a 12-year-old survivor to get to 27, wanting to prove his mother wrong and give her peace of mind, and for him to lose the next 15 years of his life … I don’t know what it says about the UK, or the system we live within, but it is the ultimate indictment because it is not my duty. It should not be my role. But it has been left to me” – Martin Fletcher tells Daniel Taylor about his 15-year investigation into Stafford Heginbotham, the former Bradford City chairman who is linked to at least eight other fires before the Valley Parade disaster, in which 56 fans lost their lives, four of them members of Fletcher’s family. And here is the first serialised extract of his book. Part two tomorrow.
FIVER LETTERS
“I see Raheem Sterling is alleged to have taken nitrous oxide, or ‘laughing gas’ as it’s known on the street (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). I am outraged, outraged and appalled. I demand he be figuratively lynched, if not literally. Britain deserves an inquiry too, an enormous, portentous public inquiry that will cost a fortune, lead to nothing and achieve less (they’re the best ones). Surely someone, somewhere should be far more outraged than the next over this damning and senseless abuse of a fairly benign balloon full of dentist’s gas. Maybe even, if it’s a slow news week, the morning shows could bang on about it endlessly, or at least until another young lad, barely out of his teens does something else a bit daft. It’s not like in my day, we never did drugs, we made do with good clean fun, 12 pints of snakebite and 20 Rothmans every Friday night never did me any harm(ish)” – Marten Allen.
“Yesterday’s Fiver makes mention of Blackpool’s defeat to Rotherham last week when the directors’ box was pelted with eggs. A quick search of the results shows that Blackpool drew 1-1 at home to Rotherham in December. I’ve just bought 24 rotten ones and am heading to Fiver Towers to lob them at your windows owing to your massive incompetence” – Mark Ridley (and 1,056 other, quite right, egg-throwers).
“On learning of yesterday’s Fiver letters winner, I sighed and concluded: wouldn’t it be good to be in his shoes” – Tom Deering (and 1,056 others).
“Have Sky reinvented football again? The Barclays Premier League final?” – Mark Scott.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winners of our prizeless letter o’the day are: Mark Scott.
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BITS AND BOBS
News that Newcastle had more than £34m sitting in the bank at the end of the last financial year has gone down about as well as a Glastonbury lineup. “The idea of a boycott has been building for a long time and you can’t blame the fans, and I’m all in favour of it,” mused fanzine editor Mark Jensen.
First nitrous oxide, now a shisha pipe! What next for Raheem: a kale and quinoa smoothie?
Napoli president Aurelio De Laurentiis has come good on his threat to confine the squad to a permanent training camp. “My colleagues can oppose it but the decision is up to me,” he sniffed.
Tip of the cap to Bristol City, who will be going about their business in the Championship next season.
Crystal Palace defender Joel Ward has signed a new deal to stay with the club until 2018. “The relationship with the gaffer and the club helped,” he cooed.
And Dundee midfielder Paul McGowan has been spared jail after he admitted assaulting a police officer, his third such conviction. “We fully respect the decision made by the court and Dundee FC will be standing by the player,” read a club statement.
STILL WANT MORE?
There may be trouble ahead for Lord Greymint … David Squires on the seven conditions of the end-of-season run-in.
Has any player ever scored the ‘perfect dead-ball’ hat-trick? The Knowledge has the answer.
Almost one third of English clubs are now owned overseas. David Conn has more.
Jonathan Wilson reports on Dynamo Kyiv’s success under blast from the past, Serhiy Rebrov.
Want (home) tickets to Chelsea v Manchester United? Then enter this here competition.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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