Have you seen the stars of the new trashy TV show The Royals? We don’t mean the druggy, slaggy princess who looks like Kate, nor her brother the crowd-surfing prince, brilliant though they both are. Nor Liz Hurley as the Queen, nor Joan Collins as Queen Mum. No, we mean the two red-headed sisters who are definitely not, in any way, modelled on real-life princesses Beatrice and Eugenie.
In the first episode, one of them mused on what the smell was, before deciding it was her fanny. (The show being an Anglo-American production, audience debate has raged as to whether she meant her front or back bottom.) In the next episode, a man was killed, and before anyone had time to worry, they dragged his body off down the corridor, one saying how desperate she’d been to lose her virginity, and the other cheering her on with: “Now’s your chance, Fridgey!”
They are sick and we cannot get enough of them. We demand a spin-off series for them at the earliest opportunity. Fanny and Frigid, our country needs you.
