WINDOW DRESSING
Not being a member of the Premier League, The Fiver has never been lucky enough to attend one of their shareholders’ meetings but we’ve often imagined what the experience might entail: assorted well-fed, besuited gentlemen lighting each other’s expensive Cuban cigars with £50 notes and toasting each other’s extreme good fortune with the finest champagne. However, if the outcome of Thursday morning’s pow-wow between the good and the great of the 20 member clubs is anything to go by, the reality is far more prosaic and mundane.
It is not often the Premier League members vote for any wheeze that is not entirely in their own interests, but they are prone to the occasional rick. Their wheeze to close the past two summer transfer windows prior to the start of the season proved a grave misstep, as it gave their European rivals an extra three weeks to shamelessly court, unsettle and plunder their players, leaving squads full of holes they couldn’t fill. It is an error they have now voted to rectify, deciding to once again fall in line with the rest of Europe (as the country they represent falls out) and move this year’s closing date back to 1 September.
“One of the reasons is because the immigration system is going to change and it may be that it’s the last window where freedom of movement is possible,” cheered Premier League chief suit Richard Masters. “Clubs may want to take advantage of the longer window to make sure that they’ve taken full advantage.” Any changes to the immigration system will, of course, be prompted by the UK’s departure from the European Union which, while “done” in the Tory sense of the word, remains so hopelessly up in the air that nobody yet knows how it will affect football transfers. While many of the more vocal and patriotic Union Jack-wavers among the fanbases of assorted clubs may be delighted that Boris Johnson and his cronies have succeeded in “taking back control”, it remains to be seen how thrilled they’ll be when they discover their team has been stymied in its attempt to sign some midfield schemer from Portugal or Germany because their CV doesn’t tick the requisite boxes required for them to secure a work permit.
And while that Chelsea fan who gatecrashed a live Irish news report to raucously eff and jeff his support for both his football team and the UK’s withdrawal in Parliament Square last Friday might argue these restrictions would only apply to players who aren’t much good, they would be wrong. Had he required one, N’Golo Kanté is just one of several hundred European players in English football’s top two tiers who wouldn’t have had enough international caps to qualify for a work permit before moving to England. One shudders to think how Chelsea would have fared in recent years without him.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We have identified inaccuracies in the translation of Sky Sports News’ interview with Alfredo Morelos. We apologise to both football clubs as well as Alfredo Morelos for the issues caused by these errors. After numerous steps undertaken by Sky to verify the interview thoroughly we can be clear that at no point did Morelos allege that any racial abuse was directed at him by [Queen’s] Celtic supporters in the interview. We apologise to the [Queen’s] Celtic supporters for this serious error. We are reviewing our procedures for translated interviews to ensure this does not occur in future. Below is the full transcript of the video published on Sky Sports with a professionally verified translation” – Sky suits offer up an apology for the saga around their interview with the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers forward. One question: are their translations not normally up to a ‘professional’ standard? Anyhow, the Queen’s Celtic have responded by lodging a complaint with Ofcom and publishing said letter in full.
FIVER LETTERS
“Continuing the thread of pre-match music (Fiver letters passim), I remember going to see the original Wimbledon playing my team, Stockport County, and listening to the DJ discussing how he had thought long and hard about the music to play to show empathy to Chelsea who had suffered a defeat that week in Big Cup. And then he played the ‘chorus’ of The Laughing Policeman” – Brian Ross.
“Once went to a pre-season friendly between Leamington and Leicester. The Leamington sound man was clearly only armed with a Paulo Nutini album, which he played in its entirety on repeat before the game, at half-time, and during every break in play, simply pressing pause every time play resumed” – Sam Russell.
“I used to watch Bradford Park Avenue during my time in that city, and not only did they come out to Electric Avenue by Eddy Grant, they sometimes published playlists, which were commendably eclectic. How that sat with those in flat caps and bobble hats I sat amongst, I never did find out” – Jon Millard.
“Re: Peter Storch’s Dumbarton link (yesterday’s letters). This was truly shocking. When I clicked on the YouTube link, I became the 49th viewer of this song. Has The Fiver seriously got that many subscribers?” – Marc Meldrum.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Sam Russell.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
The latest Football Weekly Extra podcast is right here. And tickets are also on sale for the next live show in London.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Arsenal striker Vivianne Miedema believes it may take an elite men’s player to come out for football to accept homosexuality. “Why does it change the player if he is gay or not?” she said.
A 17-year-old Bournemouth fan has been banned from matches for three years after pleading guilty to chanting racist abuse at the game against Tottenham last November.
Verona plan to equip their stewards with small cameras during games in an attempt to combat racism.
Premier League winner Darron Gibson is “looking forward to the challenge” of turning out for Salford City after signing a short-term deal. “I like the manager’s ideas and stuff,” he roared.
And Bolton Wanderers have appointed the superbly-named Tobias Phoenix as their new head of football operations. “Phoenix is renowned for working diligently in discovering pathways and mentoring players while focusing on improvement and establishing platforms for success,” parped a club statement.
STILL WANT MORE?
“I think I could have gone through my whole career not having mentioned what I’ve been through. But what’s the point in going through stuff if I don’t think I can benefit someone from it?” West Ham’s Gilly Flaherty opens up to Suzanne Wrack.
Barcelona have finally made Lionel Messi snap. Sid Lowe tells all.
Despite Brighton being worse off for points with Graham Potter they are actually better off, as Paul Doyle explains.
Martin Laurence gives us 10 uncapped English players who could feature at the Euros. Spoiler alert: you’re probably not one of them. Not even you, Harvey Barnes.
Will a strike stop David Beckham’s Inter Miami from starting their season on time? Jakub Frankowivz takes a look.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
