HERE WE GO AGAIN
Almost two years to the day since he made his final appearance for England at Wembley, Wayne Rooney will make his final appearance for England at Wembley on Thursday, in what amounts to a testimonial for the 33-year-old striker. Rooney called time on his international career in 2017, but like a well-intentioned ex-con in a cliched heist movie has been talked into one last job. The grizzled old veteran will take his place among the substitutes in Gareth Southgate’s squad for a friendly against the USA! USA!! USA!!! so England fans can thank a loyal servant who played quite well in one major tournament England didn’t come close to winning, before playing quite badly in several others they also didn’t come close to winning. As an homage to an international career in which he earned 119 caps and scored 53 goals, Rooney will receive a guard of honour from both sets of players, come on as a substitute and take the captain’s armband from Fabian Delph.
The decision to honour Rooney has been criticised in many quarters, with some folk rather lamely suggesting it devalues a pointless international friendly that was already about as worthwhile as a lunchtime game of murderball in the school playground. Former England goalkeeper Peter Shilton got particularly exercised, saying he was “surprised” Southgate agreed to Rooney’s inclusion before grumbling that caps should not be “given out like gifts”. But with the evening set to raise some cash for Rooney’s charidee foundation, not to mention the extra 20,000 bums his presence is forecast to put on the Wembley seats, it seems rather churlish to begrudge the self-professed “big man” his last hurrah in a match of almost zero consequence. “It’s been disappointing to see him have to defend his inclusion,” said Southgate, who has previously spent more time than he would like defending the player’s exclusion. “Hopefully he has felt that warmth from all of us and I know the reaction of the supporters will be very special to him.”
For his part, Rooney has thus far handled a potentially toe-curling farewell quite deftly, insisting he has not made any demands on Southgate or the FA and pointing out that he would have refused to play if this appearance had equalled or edged him past the record number of caps won by Shilton. “I think as a country obviously we haven’t done anything like this before,” he chirped. “This is the first time and I hope that in 10 or 15 years’ time we’re sat here for someone, say Harry Kane, who could possibly go on and get the goalscoring record and it’ll be something which will happen again.” Of course once the precedent has been set, we may not have to wait that long once other sports governing bodies realise the potential commercial benefits of honouring former heroes. Who’s to say that Jeremy Guscott won’t get 10 minutes in the centre for England against Japan on Saturday, while the prospect of Graham Gooch opening the batting against Sri Lanka in the third Test now looks all too real.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I don’t know whether it’s every day but I think about it a lot. I don’t think it will ever go away. But I wouldn’t be the player I was or have the hunger to be a manager if I didn’t care” – $tevie Mbe gets his chat on with Donald McRae in this big interview.
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BITS AND BOBS
Possibly because it’s a quiet news day elsewhere and the Premier League didn’t want such feelgood news overshadowed, chief suit Richard Scudamore will depart his role with a £5m golden trousering from clubs – and remain in an advisory consultancy role. “Wahey!” was one quote missing from its statement.
Premier League clubs have backed Charlie Austin’s fresh and funky call for more assistance for refs by agreeing in principle to new technology next season. VAR-klife!
Coming hot off this news, Chelsea are facing further allegations that they breached rules by making illegal payments to Andreas Christensen’s dad in order to sign the defender.
Manchester United have announced reduced quarterly revenue but say they remain on track for record annual inczzzzzzz.
The ankle-knack Gareth Bale picked up during Real Madrid’s 4-2 win over Celta Vigo on Sunday will vanish in time for Wales’s League Q, Group <§>, Matchday e+n-100sinπ/6+25∑k=0∞12k25∑k=0∞12k 300π2∑k∈ℕ1k2 Nations League match against Denmark. “He’s good,” honked Ryan Giggs.
Martin O’Neill has urged fans to ensure the backstop derby between O’Ireland and Norn Iron goes peacefully. “Hopefully everything goes smoothly and brilliantly,” he said.
And Original Ronaldo has brazenly flouted Madrid bylaws banning the use of electric scooters on pavements, travelling 400 metres to a restaurant specialising in ham.
STILL WANT MORE?
What do Mauritania, Madagascar, comedian Elis James and the Congo derby have in common? They’re all in here, that’s what.
The Fiver only retires its shirts when other passengers in the tube carriage pass out, but when’s the right time for a football club to do it? Ricci Potts has the answer.
N’Golo Kanté: the hero football needs.
Fifa’s youth transfers investigation: six key questions.
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TONIGHT’S TV & RADIO
Brexit 2: the Brexiting (Every effing where, forever).
