A PERFECT TEN
As anyone who watched England closely at Euro 2016 knows, Wayne Rooney was the undisputed player of the tournament, closely followed by Torino’s new head of hair products, Joe Hart. Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere, a target for all of Europe’s top clubs now he’s available on loan, was third. Anyway you’ll remember how Captain Wayne dominated midfield with his energy and his pace, how he kept opponents guessing with the variety of his movement, how the subtlety and range of his passing wore defences down. He was brilliant. What a brave decision it was by Mr Roy to move him away from the attack and into midfield, a ploy that was said by cynics to be a compromise originating from the increased competition for places up front but in reality was yet another tactical masterstroke from an England manager at a major tournament. Hats off, Mr Roy!
After all, José Mourinho’s 100% record at Manchester United is surely down to him deciding to keep Wazziesta in midfield. “You can tell me his pass is amazing but my pass is also amazing without pressure,” Mourinho said at his unveiling back in July, intimating that he’d never play Wazziesta as a midfielder, but those of you with poor eyesight failed to spot the Portuguese kidder’s nose growing ever longer as the words tumbled from his gob. And what’s more, with Sir Roy sailing off into the sunset to enjoy his knighthood after the Euros, new England boss Mr Big Sam definitely hasn’t suggested that Wazziesta will be playing in the No10 role against Slovakia on Sunday. But if he has – it’s possible the Fiver hasn’t been listening properly – it’s only to throw the Slovakians off the scent.
Yes, it’s almost time for England’s first match under their new manager. But while optimism is as justifiably high as ever, as long as you don’t pay attention to nasty old reality, they will head into their opening World Cup qualifier with heavy hearts. For Wazziesta, a midfielder who makes Xavi Hernández look like Carlton Palmer, has announced that he will retire from international football after the 2018 World Cup in Russia.
“Realistically I know myself that Russia will be my last opportunity to do anything with England,” Wazziesta said. “Hopefully I can end my time with England on a high.” Well, yes. But there have been so many highs already, far too many to list here. The tear-sodden eulogies are ready. His achievements in an England shirt are legendary and if one sticks out for The Fiver, it is how he became his country’s record goalscorer by nabbing the winner in a really big knockout match. That was one great goal, scored at a really crucial time. But there are so many memories, it’s enough to make you misty-eyed. So misty-eyed that you can’t see properly.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“He is a fantastic player. He is a like a rat, he goes everywhere and he has a top mentality and is a top guy” – Eden Hazard reels off that old adage, you know, the one about rats … going, erm, everywhere … to lavish praise on his Chelsea team-mate N’Golo Kanté.
FIVER LETTERS
“After reading your story on Bobby M in today’s Fiver, imagine my shock to discover that Belgium now have two goalkeeping coaches! Given Thierry’s panache and predilection for handling the ball I’d have thought that the man himself would have sufficed!” – Joel Atkin.
“Thanks to Barry Etheridge for clearing up the tedium/tediousness issue. An infuriating 400-year-long attempt by a Latinate Romance type to intellectualise something very English with modest results – I look forward to hearing the chant when Arsene Wenger breaks that record” – Eoin Zryan.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is… Rollover.
RECOMMENDED LISTING
AC Jimbo is joined by Iain Macintosh, Paolo Bandini and, fresh off the beach from Rio, Barry Glendenning to chew over the weekend’s action.
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BITS AND BOBS
He may have been foiled in selecting Steven N’Zonzi but Big Sam has still let the elephant in the room out of the bag by revealing the Football Association has broadened its search for non-English players who can qualify for the national side. “Cricket do it, rugby do it, athletics do it,” he blootered. “It’s not happening [with N’Zonzi] but we can cover this a bit more if I find another player. We have a department to look at the whole situation in all areas for every [age range] international team.”
Diplomacy’s Bastian Schweinsteiger says he has no problem with José Mourinho, despite his extended stay at Hotel Wilderness. “I’m not going to stop playing football. I still believe in my own ability. I could still help Man United if given the chance,” he trilled.
Take a deep breath … Southampton have broken their transfer record to sign Sofiane Boufal from Lille, West Brom have sealed a £13m deal for Nacer Chadli, Leicester are lining up a £50m double swoop, Hull, yes Hull, are about to make their first signing of the summer, Watford have signed Stefano Okaka on a five-year deal from Anderlecht, both Jack Wilshere and Joe Hart are ready to belch for the cameras after saying arrivederci to England, Marcus Alonso is set for a £20.5m move to Chelsea and Arsenal have completed the signing of Lucas Pérez. Woof!
Raheem Sterling is one happy bunny at Manchester City this season, reports Jamie Jackson. “I just made a promise, something that I said to myself, that when I come back at the start of this season I am going to work hard and try to be as consistent as I can,” he cooed.
STILL WANT MORE?
If Jack Wilshere doesn’t go to Valencia on loan in the next 36 hours, today’s Rumour Mill is going to look pre-tty stupid.
One more sleep, one more sleep … but before the transfer window buggers off again, David Squires’ pencil case is open for business.
Remember those two days before the bank holiday? Here’s 10 talking points from the Premier League action that happened way back when.
Bayern may have bingoed Werder Bremen 6-0 but your Bundesliga interest shouldn’t end there, justifies our resident Bundesliga scribe Raphael Honigstein.
Ever wondered how it feels to be handed a one-way ticket on the Do One Express? Paul MacInnes reports that sports psychologists find players frozen out by their club experience trauma akin to a partner leaving.
Until their next game on 11 September, Leganés has two claims to fame, says Sid Lowe: splendid cucumbers, and the only team never to have conceded a goal in La Liga.
Louise Taylor on the rise, rise, spell of being unused and unrecognisable to his chairman, then – ooh – more rise of Michail Antonio, Big Sam’s new face for England’s midfield.
Paolo Bandini sets the subs desk an unwanted spelling challenge by concentrating his attention on Napoli’s Arkadiusz Milik going up against Milan’s Gianluigi Donnarumma.
Stop glaring, Mr Sturridge, growls Paul Doyle – you should work flexitime to fit in at Liverpool.
Bolton are back! Back!! Back!!! after four wins and – er – a 1-1 against Charlton, says Ed Aarons in our Football League blog.
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