Tarzan, Cheeta and Jane (dreaming of Johnny Weissmuller) ... Gordon Scott as Tarzan with Vera Miles and 'Cheeta' played by chimp Zippy. Photograph: AP
Don't cry for Gordon Scott, who is now mercifully beyond caring about such things, but how about this for a backhanded compliment? "If filmgoers were asked to name a screen Tarzan, most of them would inevitably answer Johnny Weissmuller," runs the opening line of today's obituary. "Gordon Scott, who has died aged 80, was the second most successful Tarzan."
I don't know why there is such a tragicomic quality to that line. Being known as the "second most successful Tarzan" no doubt provided a healthy income for the actor, as well as a vibrant afterlife in the fan conventions of Middle America.
And yet there is something so stark and unvarnished about the epitaph; something that seems to hint at the basic futility of all human endeavour. It's the Tarzan reference that does it. It wouldn't be the same if Scott was remembered as the "second most successful screen Hamlet" or even "the second most successful human rights lawyer"?
It's Friday and the office is quiet (possibly on account of us being the umpteenth most successful arts journalists on a UK newspaper website). Every now and then someone will pipe up with a suggestion for another unlikely silver medallist. Val Kilmer as the second most successful Saint (after Roger Moore). Val Kilmer as the second most successful Jim Morrison (after Jim Morrison). Donna Reed as the second most successful Miss Ellie out of Dallas. Andrew Ridgeley as the second most successful member of Wham. Etcetera, etcetera.
In the meantime I'm sitting here wondering who the second most successful Cheeta was. Did the legacy rankle with that hapless animal, or did it think "Ah well, better that than a PG Tips advert"?
I hope that it did. But I also quite like the image of the almost-famous chimp meeting up with the almost-famous Scott for the odd nostalgic night out on the tiles. They would sink a few banana rums, reminisce over past near-glories and reflect just how close each one had come to reaching the top of the tree.
