The Oscars awards ceremony 2013 - in pictures

Here's the host, Seth Macfarlane, about to embark on an opening monologue that will insult, annoy, upset and embarrass; but only – crucially – a little bit. Mainly, it was funny and charming. It made even Tommy Lee Jones laugh Photograph: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

MacFarlane talks to William Shatner, who has been beamed in from a galaxy far, far away Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Then Macfarlane hauled out Looper Joe and Harry Potter to help him rewrite his destiny. They sang another (cleaner) showtune about having high hopes, or feeling good, or raining on their parade, or something. We'll be honest: the time travel/Shatner narrative lost us a little bit. Let's get on with seeing who won what, shall we? Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

First up ... Christoph Waltz! He won best supporting actor for playing Dr King Schultz in Django Unchained. This is Waltz's second Oscar, both of which came courtesy of films directed by Quentin Tarantino. Waltz dedicated this Oscar to Tarantino Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

VFX supervisors Guillaume Rocheron, Bill Westenhofer, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R Elliott accept the Best Visual Effects award for Life of Pi. Their speech was long and roaming, which – as the nominees were told before the ceremony – was an absolute no-no this year. So, as they rattled on, the orchestra started up. Quiet at first, then louder, louder, LOUDER, the Jaws theme filled the Dolby theatre. "I finally want to ..." DUH-DUH "… thank my wife …" DUH-DUH "… and my ki-" DUH-DUH DUH-DUH. They even tried to squeeze in a nod to the VFX workers protesting outside the ceremony, but by then it was DUH–DUH DUH–DUH DUH–DUH too late. The shark had spoken. Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

No-one was going to drown out Shirley Bassey, who popped up to sing the praises of the James Bond franchise, 50 years old this year. She sang a soul-stirring version of Skyfall, which had the auditorium on its feet and howling with delight. Adele, gazumped and outgunned, sobbed with rage. Then William Shatner came on and told her to start again, so she rewound, took it from the top and sang Goldfinger. This time-travel malarky is CONFUSING Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Here's Ben Affleck, limbering up to present the best documentary Oscar to Searching for Sugar Man's Malik Bendjelloul and Simon Chinn. How do we know it went to them? Because we, too, have stepped inside William Shatner's time machine. We're whizzing through the cosmos ... DUH-DUH … way past best actress and best director ... DUH-DUH to best film, which we can exclusively … DUH-DUH … reveal has been won by … DUH-DUH DUH-DUH … Damn! Photograph: Mark Davis/WireImage via Getty Images

Here's Michael Haneke. He directed Amour. It won the best foreign film Oscar. His speech was about as fun as this caption Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Catherine Zeta-Jones sings a song from Chicago. The time machine has spluttered to a halt. The fuel cells are depleted, the flux capacitor all burnt out. Why on earth else do you think we're sticking around for this bit? O God, help us Photograph: Mark Davis/WireImage via Getty Images

And here's the cast of Les Mis singing a medley of bowel-curdlers from the movie. Start, you damn thing! START! Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Anne Hathaway wins best supporting actress for her role in Les Mis. She acted only mildly shocked to win. Everyone saw the future of this one months ago Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

It's Adele! Hello, Adele! Singing again, is it? She's singing Skyfalllllll, She's very tunefullllllll, she doesn't caterwaulllllllll at all, singing Skyfalllllll. That's the last time we'll get to make that joke, ever. Wow, that hurts Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Aha! The flux capacitor must be back online! For – without even knowing it – we've travelled back to 1975. Here's Barbra Streisand singing The Way We Were. Pretty sure Shatner's time machine will whisk us forward once again very soon. Who fancies a fondue while we're here? Photograph: Mark Davis/WireImage via Getty Images

A flash and a bang, and we're back in the present. Looks like Quentin Tarantino made the trip with us. He's as spun out and frazzled as any seasoned time traveller. He needs something real to cling to: something like the Oscar for best original screenplay, which he won for Django Unchained. Keep it together, QT. Breathe Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Ang Lee with his Oscar for directing Life of Pi. Lee has explored buddhism in the past. Time is not linear; life is a cycle. Leaping around in a time machine is not going to bother him for a second Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Jennifer Lawrence wins best actress for her performance in Silver Linings Playbook. She's stunned, stumbling through her acceptance speech with a lot of charm and tripping up the stairs on her way to the podium. Don't worry, Jen: we've got a machine here that will fix that in a flux-capacitated jiffy Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Best actor for a third, historic time is Daniel Day-Lewis. The man who was Lincoln thanks the great emancipator's spirit and his wife, Rebecca Miller, for "living with all these strange men for so long" Photograph: Mark Davis/WireImage via Getty Images

Best picture. It's Argo - the hostage thriller-cum-Hollywood satire from director Ben Affleck. Here's Affleck and his co-producers, Grant Heslov and George Clooney, picking up their Oscars. Behind them the time machine warms up for the final trip of the night Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

The machine thrums and wobbles. Michelle Obama appears on the central control board. Only the first lady knows where this junk bucket is taking us weary travellers next, but you can bet that we'll be back here, writing more nonsense about gongs and gowns, this time next year Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty Images