CARLO AND CARLISLE
Carlisle United were a very decent side in the early to mid 1970s, but even then they couldn’t beat Liverpool. They lost 5-1 in the 1972-73 Milk Cup, 2-0 in the FA Cup a year later, and 1-0 and 2-0 in their only top-flight league campaign another year after that. Since then they’ve been beaten 3-0 twice by the Reds in the FA Cup, in 1977 and 1989. So if the Cumbrians, currently in the fourth tier, manage to knock Liverpool out of the Milk Cup tonight at Anfield, in that context it’d be one hell of a shock. In another context, though, it wouldn’t be, because Liverpool aren’t any good.
In fact, their current status is bordering All Over The Shop. This is because Brendan Rodgers has been overthinking things, it’s probably fair to say. Liverpool have lost eight of their last 18 fixtures, in which the team has been set out in 398,267 different formations, each player asked to play in, on average, 6.3 different positions per match, a number which sometimes even includes the one they were signed for in the first place. Martin Skrtel is hoping to get a go at trequartista during the second half tonight. It’s his turn. Everyone else has had a go. It’s not fair.
All this jiggery-pokery has left Rodgers well placed in the running to become this season’s first Premier League manager to be sent aquaplaning down the road on his hoop. He’s second most likely right now, which isn’t saying much given the ante-post favourite is in charge of Sunderland, and you know how they get through managers these days. To add to the pressure, this morning’s papers were full of reports that the absentee baseball experts who own Liverpool have sounded out Carlo Ancelotti, with a view to the former Milan, Juventus, Real Madrid and Chelsea coach taking over and simplifying things, so all the dots and lines on the dressing-room tactics board resemble 11 players on a football pitch again, rather than the opening 64 bars of Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D minor.
Sadly for fans of cobbling together a few good players and sending them out with uncluttered heads to run about a bit, Liverpool have - according to who you believe - either “vehemently”, “firmly”, “adamantly” or “categorically” denied approaching Ancelotti, or indeed anyone else. But it’s great news for Rodgers, who now has the opportunity to go about his business in peace, string together a three-game winning run against Carlisle, struggling Aston Villa and FC Sion, then come a cropper at Everton, Spurs and Chelsea before losing his job in mid-November after Raheem Sterling slots a hat-trick past new first-choice goalkeeper Roberto Firmino. It’s what everyone predicted at the start of the season, so it’d be a terrible shame if Liverpool jumped the gun.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHT
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Slowly I’m starting to remove all the stones from my shoes, because in recent years, in Italy and England, they’ve concocted a lot of things about me. I’ve stayed silent.” When you think of Mario Balotelli, the one word that always springs to mind is ‘silent’. Silent Mario. Oh yes.
FIVER LETTERS
“Outside Starbucks in Bombay, India, one would think that Nicolas Anelka would be a little bit more pleased that in a city teeming with millions, at least one intrepid football fan recognised him as he indulged in a game of Ludo (purchased from hamleys no less ). No doubt the ideal strategic preparations for the demanding Indian Super League” – Nilesh Sathe.
“Re: Josip Simunic’s Croatian Brains (yesterday’s bits and bobs): considering he was born in Canberra, Australia, and lived here until he was 20 I would like to know when my country was annexed by Croatia? Why didn’t you come and protect our sovereignty, Britain? Did I miss all this or did my Fiver-induced coma last a lot longer than I realised?” – Kyle Chandler (and and 1,057 others).
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Nilesh Sathe.
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES
Chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not – if you’d like to find companionship or love, sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly folk who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it’s not the rejection that kills you, it’s the hope.
BITS AND BOBS
Eva Carneiro v Chelsea is now in the hands of the lawyers.
Liverpool have absolutely definitely positively not made any contact whatsoever with Carlo Ancelotti, no sirree, not on your nelly.
Arsenal supporters are not impressed by the latest £3m payment to Stan Kroenke. “Over just two years, £6m is a lot of money,” an Arsenal supporters trust spokesman talkaboutnetspendfellaed. “If there is spare cash floating around at Arsenal it would be better put toward investing in strengthening the squad, reducing ticket prices or ensuring all match-day staff, including those of contractors, receive the London Living Wage.”
Liverpool’s Christian Benteke will be out for two weeks with hamstring-twang.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Robert Lewandowski scored five times in nine minutes against Wolfsburg on Tuesday night.
STILL WANT MORE?
Hook. The Ugly Stepsisters. The Big Bad Wolf. Diego Costa. What have they all got in common? They’re all pantomime villains and they’re all entertaining, writes Paul Wilson.
Feed your inner hipster by reading up on the ultras of Livorno.
Do Manchester City already have the next Paul Pogba in their ranks? Jamie Jackson and Fabrizio Romano run the rule over Olivier Ntcham.
An MLS all-star team took on Real Madrid in 2005 – with predictable results, writes Tim Froh.
We’ve read Steven Gerrard’s new book … and learned 10 things about him by doing so.
Has a group of fans ever openly supported the opposition? The Knowledge knows.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
SIGN UP TO THE FIVER
Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up.
