TAKE IT AWAY, NICK
Among the many highlights of another drool-inducing weekend of relentless excitement is Tottenham’s visit to Chelsea for a third successive London derby, with Mauricio Pochettino suggesting that the home side are at an advantage because they’re less good. Strictly speaking, it was the old canard about his team being at an advantage because the other lot weren’t able to qualify for European competition and thus didn’t need to go all the way to Monaco in midweek. He didn’t actually say Chelsea were less good which, given the teams’ league positions may have made him look a bit silly, though logically – and he’s not the only top-flight manager to think this way – it is clear that if Chelsea were better they would be doing worse.
“We cannot have one week to prepare so it is normal that the opponent has an advantage,” Pochettino insisted. “I think it is obvious and nobody can be disappointed or upset with my idea.” The Fiver – obviously – would like to quietly demur. For a start, it seems a bit rum for Spurs to be moaning about one short-haul flight which, by the time they head to Old Trafford in December, will have been the only occasion they have had to leave London in eight games played over six weeks. Chelsea meanwhile will have had to endure arduous(ish) journeys to Southampton, Middlesbrough and Manchester, a cumulative mileage only 200 less than Tottenham’s but drawn out over three separate trips rather than conveniently condensed into one. So what do you say about that, Mauricio? Answer came there none, reader, and only partly because we articulated the question in our head, while sitting several miles away.
Still, Pochettino has at least been putting the spare time he isn’t spending travelling to good use, by pondering which formation his team will play in next. Against Arsenal a couple of weeks back it was 3-5-2, then West Ham (initially, at least) faced a midfield diamond, and in France on Tuesday it was 4-2-3-1. Chelsea meanwhile have happened upon a 3-4-3 formation that works and stuck with it, which is why they are top of the league. Well, that and their inherent lack of quality.
All of which is encouraging news for Sunderland, who have proven Pochettino’s theory to be absolutely watertight by becoming so dreadful – taking a meagre two points from their first 10 games – that they are now invincible, claiming back-to-back wins in their last two games. Now they head for Anfield, with David Moyes declaring that “anybody who plays against Liverpool has to park the double-decker bus”, which is neither encouraging nor even true, with Watford for instance having recently decided against doing anything of the sort.
And the big clash at the wrong end of the table pits Crystal Palace against Swansea. Alan Pardew’s side may have only three league wins to their name, and it is true that they have lost their last five, but this is their third game this season against the division’s bottom side – after Stoke (back when they were awful) and Sunderland – and they beat the other two. Alan Pardew is approaching the fixture in merrily stress-free style. “The pressure’s going to be on them to get a result,” he grinned, “particularly with the form we are in at the moment.” In other words, Swansea’s job has been made harder by Palace being bad. Which was fundamentally Pochettino’s point as well.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I wanted to be a gymnast when I was young, I used to do backflips and all those things in the street and at home, but my grandma said it was dangerous and made me stop. Now my daughter is doing gymnastics and I’m a little bit jealous” – Liverpool’s Georginio Wijnaldum gets his chat on with Andy Hunter.
FIVER LETTERS
“It’s true, there really is something new under the sun. After being exposed to him performing his terrible songs live in concert (for about 10 minutes, before I decided the nearest beer tent out of earshot was a much better bet) I would have doubted that I would ever feel sorry for Frank Turner. However, after reading the load of self-righteous, so-far-up-themselves-that-it-makes-Bono-look-humble nonsense that Clapton Ultras put out in response to him daring to sully their wonderful home (yesterday’s Quote of the Day), it’s happened. Come on Redbridge FC!” – Barrie Francis.
“Re: $tevie Mbe’s next step$ (yesterday’s Fiver). It’s obvious, so very obvious. Following in the success of Jamie Carragher and Gary Neville’s helpful circle drawing on Monday Night Football, the next move for $tevie is to team up with Constructive Criticism’s Paul Scholes and destroy, professionally and mentally, mid-table fullbacks unlucky enough to have to turn out in next season’s series of Friday Night Football. Before, of course, taking the hot seat at Aberdeen and making a complete pig’s ear of it” – Jack Boulton Roe.
“Perhaps Arsenal haven’t got past the Round of Arsenal (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs) for six (and, given the fact we are very unlikely to top the group, you can make it seven) years because of The Nicklas Bendtner Curse? I have this theory that there was a deal between Arsène Wenger and the dark forces that said Bendtner’s Arsenal would beat Radamel Falcao’s Porto in the 2009-10 second leg, but only if Arsène accepted seven years of failure afterwards. The facts that Bendtner scored a hat-trick and Arsenal won 5-0 suggest that I might be right. So, good news for all Gooners – it’s the last season of Round of Arsenal, then” – Admir Pajic.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is Barrie Francis, who receives a copy of Football Manager 2017 from those good people at Football Manager Towers, and it’s out now! We had a rummage down the back of a sofa and only gone and found one last copy to give away on Monday. If you want one, get busy writing.
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BITS AND BOBS
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Tabloid Wayne’s claims that he “actually did not step foot into the wedding” is only going to make people ask fewer questions about routine 4-0 wins and more questions about that night, like “why?” and “how can you be sure?”
Worrying news for Manchester City. Even more worrying news for Aleksandar Kolarov’s career as makeshift centre-back.
Harry Kewell is keen on taking up a flamin’ coaching role in the A-League. “I would love to do it. It’s my home country, so why wouldn’t you?” he tooted.
And fraudster Stephen Ackerman has been jailed for four years for conning Sam Allardyce and West Ham staff out of more than £60,000 when he visited the club’s training ground in 2014 to sell them luxury hampers. “Your endemic dishonestly is plainly unremitting,” said Judge David Radford. “You earn no credit for your remorse, nor any credit for any pleads of guilt.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Barney Ronay on Jack Wilshere.
A utopia for aspiring players or the start of some corporate mega-club? Lawrence Ostlere has a poke around the Nike Academy.
Why oh why Aitor Karanka refuses to book Álvaro Negredo a spot on his bench is one of 10 things to look out for before this weekend’s Premier League games.
If Bruce Arena is going to make USA! USA!! USA!!! great again then he’ll need to dive deep into the talent pool, reckons Luis Miguel Echegaray.
When Diego Costa’s smiling, Chelsea are almost certainly in a good place, figures Jonathan Wilson.
Manchester United relied on Wayne Rooney to beat Feyenoord in Big Vase and it’s been a while since anyone said that, writes Paul Wilson.
And Willian is heading to Old Trafford for a reunion with José Mourinho, if the Rumour Mill is to be believed.
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