Is it all-consuming love or are they just being toxic? It's the conundrum many a rom com fan might have when watching their favorite movie. If you're a fan of the romance genre, you might have wondered the same.
Was Edward from Twilight really the boyfriend of every girl's dreams or just a controlling 107-year-old vampire creeping on an unassuming 17-year-old? And was Ally and Noah's bickering in The Notebook really that cute or were they just awful at healthy communication?
Public opinion on movies changes often, but as we gain more awareness about what's okay and not okay in relationships, we can reevaluate rom coms from the past. One netizen recently was interested to hear which romantic movies people once revered but now realize were romanticizing toxic relationships.
So, they came to Reddit for some insights. "What movie is considered 'romantic' when in reality it's very toxic??" they asked. And film enthusiasts had some unexpected picks.
#1
Mrs. Doubtfire. It turns out that Daniel was always capable of being a good parent and taking actual care of the family, he just chose not to until his wife got fed up. Then instead of accepting that being a lazy man-child has consequences and trying to prove himself the right way, he commits fraud and decieves this entire family and the court.
Still one of my fav movies though.
Image credits: LindaBelchie69
#2
Dirty Dancing. Baby was like 16-17 and Johnny was like 25-26. It was completely inappropriate, and whether he knew it or not, he was taking advantage of an extremely naive teenage girl who was still in high school.
I get that it was her coming of age story, but what parent wouldn’t be trying to keep their teenage daughter from hanging out with a bunch of adults almost 10 years older then her, who were hanging out all night drinking & partying. .
Image credits: Still_Owl1141
#3
Overboard. Kurt Russell kidnaps Goldie Hawn and forces her into domestic slavery.
Image credits: AdWonderful5920
#4
*Pretty Woman*.
Image credits: Canavansbackyard
#5
Tbh I think every romantic comedy is based on a toxic relationship. That's why rom coms are fantasy fulfillment.
Image credits: Volantis009
#6
Twilight.
Image credits: FinancialSink7469
#7
The two main characters of Serendipity are lucky to be played by John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale with so much chemistry because they are awful people f*****g over their committed partners for a second chance at capturing the magic of a single evening years prior.
Image credits: GonzoJackOfAllTrades
#8
4 Weddings and a Funeral. Carrie (Andie MacDowell) is awful to Charles (Hugh Grant). She invites him wedding dress shopping when he clearly fancies her — and this is after they have slept together— and then invites him to her wedding too. Then she shows up to his wedding, assume this is unexpected based on his reaction, and then blows that up. She is a horrible self absorbed narcissistic person. “It’s raining? I hadn’t noticed.” WORST line delivery EVER!!
Image credits: waldo-doggie
#9
Forrest Gump, but for a completely different reason.
Its a healthy romance on Forrest's part (for the most part). But Jenny constantly runs from him until she is about to die. You can't fully blame her though. I mean being SAd has some awful effects on someone.
Its one of those films that has a healthy romance despite the toxic dynamic.
Edit: just to be clear, I love how the characters growth of Jenny is portrayed. I am not complaining.
Image credits: Quirky_Fun6544
#10
Seven Brides For Seven Brothers. A popular musical. For the music, dancing, and choreography, it is excellent. The subject matter is an appalling story of backwoods boys kidnapping women to marry them.
#11
Mentioning ‘Grease’ because I don’t see it here. Cinema Therapy (YouTube) does an episode about it.
Image credits: amarclem
#12
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Anakin thinks that he is entitled to bang some girl who is 5 years older than him that he met once 10 years ago and has obsessed over since and such a relationship would violate his vow to chastity in his religious order, and she clearly indicates to him that she is not interested in romance with him and even tells him that he makes her feel uncomfortable and that choosing to have a relationship with him would interfere with her rising political career.
#13
I know this is a movie sub about movies, but I got to mention 'How I Met Your Mother'. Ted was such a pathological liar in every episode, just trying to get laid. It was infuriating.
Image credits: SgtKabuukiman
#14
50 first dates. She’s literally Incapable of having any romantic relationship because of her condition, and he basically took advantage of a mentally disabled woman.
Imagine the absolute t*****e she endures on a daily basis, waking up to realize she has a husband & child she’s completely incapable of remembering, and will have to endure that t*****e the rest of her life. .
Image credits: Still_Owl1141
#15
Never Been Kissed. Not so much toxic but creepy I suppose.
Image credits: munnin1977
#16
Titanic is toxic in the way that it makes it seem these 2 people had this lifetime of true love when in reality it was a strong 4 day fling.
I get that it was unlike any connection they’ve ever had before, given that Rose’s life was basically not her own and she’s just now finally learning to live her own life, but still.
Image credits: DrDreidel82
#17
Sweet Home Alabama. She chooses the man who refused a divorce for 15 years and was disrespectful to her for the majority of the film. Same could be said for The Notebook. They agreed on nothing and Ally was slapping him regularly? Very toxic love that was packaged as a fantasy.
Image credits: Educational-Help-126
#18
Thank you! I can't stand The Notebook, it's just a horrible movie that portrays toxicity as romance. I had a friend in college who was shocked that I hadn't seen it (I'm a big fan of romcoms) and we watched it together. I was stunned the entire time and afterwards she told me she felt like her relationship with her boyfriend felt like the one from the movie. I expressed concern because of how toxic the relationship in the movie is and she got so defensive of the movie. I was shocked.
#19
Romeo and Juliet.
Two 13 year olds basically implode both their families because they fall in lust and want to bang each other.
#20
Fifty shades of grey.
Image credits: unsolvedmysteries18
#21
40 Days and 40 nights.
Josh Hartnett gets r***d by his ex, and Shannyn Sassamon blames it on him and frames it as him cheating on her.
I think now people realize how messed up the movie is, but back then it was played as a quirky romantic comedy like hahaha let’s sexually harass Josh Hartnett it’s funny because he’s a guy.
#22
How about While You Were Sleeping? She literally allows the man and his family to think she was his secret fiancée and then falls for his brother. WTH?
#23
My Best Friend's Wedding. I'm glad she didn't get him in the end.
Image credits: cbunni666
#24
Passengers.
Image credits: Big_Pop8303
#25
Pretty in pink.
#26
Wuthering Heights. The book (which I love) is about a group of absolutely terrible people, and the movies keep trying to make things all pretty. It never works.
#27
Wedding Crashers maybe? Owen Wilson's character should have stopped pursuing Racheal McAdam's character when she made it clear she did not want to see him.
#28
Sleepless in Seattle is a horror movie.
Image credits: Several_Oil_7099
#29
Kylo Ren and Rey.
#30
How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Nobody really addresses how awful what they're each doing to each other is other than one throw away line.
#31
Reality Bites, a film centered on a protagonist giving up on her creative dreams to settle with some manipulative a*****e who doesn't change by the end of it.
#32
Gone with the Wind.
#33
Say Anything. The guy couldn't take no for an answer. Stalker vibes.
#34
Twister. Jo refused to sign divorce papers for six months. Bill has moved on and intends to marry Melissa, but Jo manipulates him into joining her crew for one last storm chase. Jo then starts belittling Bill's fiance while also gaslighting him. Within 24 hours, Jo destroys Bill and Melissa's relationship as well as his brand new truck. Jo is destructive and unstable, much like the tornadoes she has chased throughout her life.
#35
Isn’t ’You’ve Got Mail’ just Catfished: The Movie?
#36
Keira Knightley's storyline in love actually.
Image credits: Junior_Ad6535
#37
I scrolled quite a bit and couldn't find it so, I'll add 500 days of summer. I can't believe people still think it's a cutesy romance flick.
#38
St. Elmo's Fire. The stalking......
#39
She's All That.
#40
Juno. Lots of it are pretty gross, but the budding relationship between Elliot Page and Jason Bateman’s characters was realllllly disturbing to me.
#41
Technically not romantic, but, 'The Devil Wears Prada'... every relationship in there is toxic.
#42
Tom Cruise and Elisabeth Shue in “Cocktail”. Cheats on her for a dare, comes crawling back after blowing it with his sugar momma, decides they must get married because she’s pregnant and wins her over by turning down a bribe from her father.
#43
Beauty and the beast gets a darker undertone the older i get.
#44
Even though they’re my favorite movies, the Raimi Spider-Man trilogy seems to normalize cheating.
#45
Chasing Amy.
#46
Miss congeniality. i just watched it (for the perfect date, of course), and my sister and i were like “wow there are some parts of this movie that would not do well if it was released today”.
#47
So if we can count the Downton Abbey movies... daisy and Andy. He is shown, on screen, to be possessive and have violent outbursts over his jealousy. He can't handle her si much as talking to another man and is in general an entire bouquets of red flags. And then there is a scene where other staff tell Daisy that IT IS ROMANTIC and I could not believe what I was watching.
#48
Hitch.
Imagine taking dating advice from 2020s Will Smith.
#49
About Time. I love that movie but he basically removes her free will by being able to redo every moment of his life to get what he wants.
#50
Love & Basketball.
#51
Along came Polly! I went into this movie thinking it was gonna be another Ben Stiller comedy, but was a toxic comedy with an OK ending.
#52
I enjoy Groundhog day & About time but they are a fantasy of the men having complete control so that everything can go exactly their way and that’s always felt off to me
When Harry Met Sally isn’t romantic to me either. just such an annoying & heteronormative logic.
#53
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
