I know that you can't really be once-bitten by a meteor shower, but if you could be, I'd be a twice-shy victim. That's why I'm sleeping through current suggestions that northerners in particular stay up to watch the current Perseids display. Specially as, like most such astronomical events, it doesn't start until 2am.
I've spent a couple of chilly nights in the past peering skywards on behalf of the Guardian; notably three years ago, in a field at Wold Newton where the first properly recorded British meteor came to earth, in 1795. The Perseids shower was supposed to light up the northern sky, then as now, but my photographer colleague Asadour Guzelian and I watched the heavens largely in vain.
The Derby Skywatcher website bears this out, even if the Peak District has been flagged up as a good place to watch what excitements the Perseids manage to afford us this week. Its recorder, Keith Hallam, says realistically: "I try to get out as often as I can to view the night sky, take photos or sketch, but as anyone who knows the British weather will sympathise that this is something that's easier said than done. In fact since I started to get into this rewarding pastime there have been few occasions when conditions actually permit viewing."
He remains cheerful, however, as we all should, and says: "This in itself is very frustrating, but all part of the experience." And remember that fishing is Britain's most popular participatory sport.
Clucking celebrities
Cheerfully stoic news, too, from the Carlisle News and Star which hails the fact that "Fans of Cumbria's celebrity hen will be able to pay their last respects to her next month when a cross is placed at the roadside where she was killed." She was Bee Bee, a copper-black French maran, which took up a suicidal roost on the edge of one of the scariest roads in the north of England.
According to the paper, she established herself last year on the kerb of the A66 at Brigham where she "ran up and down the roadside alongside cars". She became so famous that regular drivers saluted her with hoots, until one behaved without due care and attention, and squashed her.
In the mawkish tradition of doomed celebrities, Bee Bee has apparently left hundreds devastated by her death. She has her own Facebook page and T-shirts are now being printed for a memorial service on the anniversary of her death, which is on 11 September.
"After her untimely death," says the News and Star, "the popular bird's remains were collected by Janet and David [her owners] and buried under a horse chestnut tree on their allotment, next to the river Derwent." The service is being held at the fatal roadside, so if you go, be careful.
Durham rising
In my confusion over the world's various Durhams last week, when I started reading all about Durham in North Carolina by mistake, I shamefully overlooked our own Durham Times. It is full of encouraging news: New College, with its 15,000 further education students, has been rated outstanding by Ofsted; five affordable housing schemes, stalled by recession, are set to resume with £10m of government kickstart money.
The Young Farmers' column is resilient too: "This week's meeting was an interclub sandcastle building at Seaton Carew. Members braved the rain and wind to build some imaginative creations, while keeping an eye on the approaching tide." They took a break from combining and milking to create a space rocket, an octopus and the logo of the Young Farmers' Club. The evening ended with chocolate prizes and a supper of fish and chips.
Weddings are good in Durham too. Local falconer Chris Bennett has trained Ollie the Owl to swoop down church aisles at the key moment and deliver couples their rings. "It will be a unique touch," says his latest £300 customer, Paul Rowe, 26. The future Mrs Rowe, 31-year Sharon Veitch, is "very excited" at the prospect, which involves a quick-release talon clip and a dexterous best man.
Death records are on offer too, but the Nostalgia column of the Dewsbury Reporter is more interesting in this regard. I like its down-to-earth start this week: "Attending funerals today is not what it used to be because you never know what to expect and you certainly don't know what to wear."
Goodness, one event in Dewsbury recently had "mourners" leaving the crem in a Hokey Cokey formation, although Nostalgia's author rightly reminds us that this is not a deplorable modern trend.
Local hero
The good people of Bolton are hoping to raise £110,000 for an unusual piece of public art, according to the Bolton News. It has been designed to commemorate a local market trader, Bernard Mills, who died in February aged 64.
Bernard had cerebral palsy, but turned out daily in his wheelchair to sell bits and bats in Bolton's main square. He got into the outdoor life, and salesmanship, via a long stint as a vendor for the Bolton News.
His memorial has been designed by local artist Yolande Baxendale and it sounds great: two parallel tracks along his regular wheelchair route, illuminated at night; and then at the site of his stall, a pair of large glass rings to symbolise the chair's wheels. The fact that they are contemplating glass speaks volumes for Mills' reputation and, let's hope, for Boltonians' good behaviour.
