“You like that! You! Like! That!” Kirk Cousins was not asking a question when he roared at reporters in the bowels of FedEx Field this October, but instead providing the answer. We do like that. In fact, we cannot get enough of it.
No scandal, no unwelcome political endorsements, no quantity of grim evidence of the impact that football is having on the long-term mental health of its participants has yet been enough to persuade us to stop watching the NFL. Instead, TV ratings rose yet again in 2015-16 – from the regular season right through to the conference championship games.
That is a testament to the entertainment on offer, of which Cousins’ performance on and off the field against Tampa Bay was a prime example. Before telling us what we liked, he had shown us – throwing for three touchdowns and rushing for one more as he rallied Washington from a 24-point deficit to complete the biggest comeback in team history.
It was just one of many memorable moments from a season in which the NFL both broke new boundaries – getting its first female coach, and then its first full-time one – and turned back the clocks to approve the Rams’ return to LA.
A season in which long-standing records were shattered but also more bones than we would care to mention. A season that will conclude in a week’s time with one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time squaring off in what might be his final game against the face of the new generation.
Until then, you will just have to make do with our annual awards.
Most outstanding player/most valuable player
Last year I abandoned the MVP from these awards in favour of an MOP – making the case that “Most Outstanding” (as used in the CFL and NCAA) was a more meaningful designation than “Most Valuable”, since the latter phrasing inevitably skews our minds towards quarterbacks. But this season my winner would be the same either way.
Cam Newton has been phenomenal. His 35 touchdown passes were tied for second in the NFL during the regular season, while his 10 rushing touchdowns were joint-fifth (and it would only have taken one more to elevate him to joint-first, alongside Adrian Peterson, Devonta Freeman, Jeremy Hill and DeAngelo Williams). A league-best 7.1% of all Newton’s throws went for a score. His 636 rushing yards were more than any tailback achieved in Detroit or Tennessee.
Yes, Carolina’s schedule could have been tougher, and yes, he was aided by a robust offensive line, productive ground game and Greg Olsen. But he also lost his top wide receiver, Kelvin Benjamin, in pre-season and instead got 10 touchdowns out of Ted Ginn.
And, while voters in the official (AP) version of this award submitted their nominations at the end of the regular season, we are also free here to consider the fact that he has produced brilliant back-to-back playoff performances against what were supposed to be two of the better defenses in the NFC. I would still have made the same decision beforehand, but further supporting evidence never hurts.
Offensive player of the year
I’ve never really understood the logic behind voting for one player as MVP and then a different one as player of the year on the same side of the ball. Carson Palmer, Tom Brady and Russell Wilson all had fantastic years, as did non-quarterbacks like Adrian Peterson and Julio Jones. In particular, I’d like to give Antonio Brown some recognition – because if it hadn’t been for the month-long Michael Vick debacle in Pittsburgh, he would almost certainly have smashed the single-season receiving record.
But this award still goes to Newton, for all the reasons listed above.
Defensive player of the year
There is a temptation to pick someone other than JJ Watt here, for the sake of novelty. He has won it in two of the last three seasons, and with so much media attention does feel somewhat overhyped.
But step back and look at the numbers, and they still speak for themselves. Watt not only had 17.5 sacks in 2015 but also an extraordinary 50 quarterback hits, according to ESPN. His 29 tackles for a loss were most in the league, and six more than second-placed Khalil Mack. Meanwhile, there are starting defensive backs who could not equal his eight passes defensed.
It is always hard to compare players at different positions, and both Josh Norman and Luke Kuechly merit consideration. So, too, does Watt’s fellow defensive lineman Aaron Donald, who shone even while Chris Long and Robert Quinn were missing time through injury for the Rams. It is a much tighter contest than last year, but for me Watt is still the right choice.
Offensive rookie of the year
Yes, he missed three games, and, yes, he had some bad games, but Todd Gurley was magnificent at his best, rampaging through defenses with a power and explosiveness that made you jump out of your seat. Despite the lost weeks, he still finished third in the league for rushing yards, with a 4.8 yard average per attempt and 10 touchdowns to his name.
Defensive rookie of the year
The most passes defensed in the league, plus the joint-most interceptions, make Marcus Peters a clear choice despite strong competition from the also excellent Ronald Darby. I doubt very much that Peters’s numbers look so good next year, because teams will know better than to throw his way so often.
Coach of the year
There is a part of me (my furiously jerking knee, perhaps) that wants to give this award to Gary Kubiak. It would have to be shared with Wade Phillips – whose defense ranked first in the league during the regular season and then stepped up another notch to overwhelm Tom Brady in the AFC Championship Game – but the head coach deserves his slice of the credit for keeping the Broncos on track for the Super Bowl despite a distinctly undesirable situation at quarterback.
Whether coaxing the best out of an ageing and injured Peyton Manning in an offensive system that the quarterback did not appear to relish, or baby-stepping Brock Osweiler through his first NFL starts, Kubiak had nothing but uncertainty at the most important position on the field.
A large portion of his team’s fanbase, plus the local media, thought Kubiak had made the wrong call in going back to Manning at the start of the playoffs. The events of the past fortnight have validated his decision. And I think I might have just talked myself into a decision. With apologies to Ron Rivera, this award does go Kubiak’s way.
Best plays of the year
In reverse order …
5) Ricardo Lockette goes over the head of a defender to reel in a glorious 40-yard touchdown on the flea-flicker. (And while we’re talking trick plays, how about an honourable mention for Tom Brady’s second career catch.)
4) As East Great Falls’s Coach Marshall would put it, “you don’t score, until you score”. Kam Chancellor reminded Calvin Johnson of that lesson as he punched the ball out of Calvin Johnson’s hands at the goal-line to preserve Seattle’s victory over Detroit.
3) Carson Palmer spin move, Larry Fitzgerald stiff arm, mad Brazilian commentary. What more could you want with a playoff game on the line?
2) I couldn’t really pick between Odell Beckham Jr’s one-handed grab against Washington, and his astonishing sideline body control against Miami, so I stuck them both in for good measure.
1) Likewise, Aaron Rodgers had given us several Hail Mary throws to choose from by the time Green Bay finally bowed out. But I still say the original was the best.
Worst play of the year
The one where Chuck Pagano mistook Griff Whalen for a center.
Brownsiest play of the year
Best block by a quarterback
Michael Vick did do some things right.
Most sensitive bottoms
The NFL’s mission to achieve greater media exposure in Britain took a step forward, although possibly not in the manner they had intended, when the New York Jets made national headlines by shipping 350 rolls of toilet paper over to London ahead of their International Series game against the Dolphins. This, on the advice of an intern who had visited the city previously, and reported back to his bosses that “the toilet paper was very thin because their plumbing isn’t as good.”
Biggest dreams
Chris Long.
Best Deflategate synopsis
South Park, obviously.
Best fan
Least compelling controversy
People writing letters to newspapers to complain about Cam Newton enjoying himself while playing football.
Most compelling controversy
Did Mike Ditka fart on Monday Night Countdown?
Best team-mate
Regardless of his qualities as a backup quarterback, how could you not want Drew Stanton on your sideline?
Drew Stanton is amazing pic.twitter.com/b85pGTd2rR
— The Cauldron (@TheCauldron) November 16, 2015
Best celebration
Antonio Brown goes for the goalpost.
Weightiest moment
Dontari Poe becomes the new heaviest person ever to score a touchdown in the NFL.
Most embarrassing (but well-meaning) parent
JJ Watt’s mother, Connie, who called repeatedly through the evening to make sure he was really OK after he made a tackle with no helmet against Kansas City, and later advertised her son to future partners on Entertainment Tonight. “I think JJ would make such a great catch for anybody, because he is a true down-home person who has such a good heart.”
Best Steve Smith-ism
A toss-up, this year, between his words of warning to Santa Claus – “You come down my chimney in the middle of the night, that’s going to be your last delivery” – and explanation for speedy recovery times – “I have a great nutritionist I’m sleeping with. Which is my wife.”
Worst dab
Chris Berman or Greg Olsen.
Dab sweeping the nation @gregolsen88 pic.twitter.com/0pdeu5wvFs
— Big Cat (@BarstoolBigCat) December 13, 2015
Best performance art
Delvin Breaux captures the spirit of the Saints’ defense perfectly with this parody of pass coverage against Tampa Bay.
This sums up the Saints secondary.. We trash pic.twitter.com/qss9awkw2B
— EL FOOSAY (@SheHatesJacoby) September 20, 2015
Biggest troll
Rex Ryan was quick to get one over on his former employers, signing IK Enemkpali for the Bills one day after the linebacker had been waived by the Jets in the wake of the locker room scuffle that left Geno Smith with a broken jaw. The coach then named Enemkpali as a co-captain for New York’s visit in November.
Honourable mention: Taylor’s Bakery in Indiana put together a fine line of DeflateGate cakes and cookies when the Patriots came to visit.
Best international perspective
Jarryd Hayne’s debut as viewed from Australia. Yeah, that’s a piece from our own site. And it’s tremendous.
Pick Six contest
And finally a note for regular readers who participate in the Pick Six contest: I will be posting the overall standings in the comments section below shortly. Until then, I can tell you that all 15 people who boasted a perfect record going into the conference championship games picked the Patriots to win, so it’s once again a wide open race at the top.
