The lottery’s sales pitch used to be: “OK listen, it’s unlikely. But it COULD be you.” Now, it’s switched to: “It’s probably not gonna be you – so just hope it’s not an arse.” Cue Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. In contrast to Piers Morgan and Jordan, who star in the other #PleaseNotThem ads, Loz is the only one whom you can imagine actually playing the lottery in real life now that the repeat fees from those makeover shows have dried up. In fact, the ad could have shown Laurence walking around in rags and scrabbling in dustbins with feral desperation as he hummed the theme tune from Changing Rooms.
Instead, it shows Loz as a lottery winner, using his dosh to spruce up Stonehenge with crap curtains. This metrosexual desecration of Stonehenge is supposed to shock us but it doesn’t seem that absurd an idea; after all, it’s looked the same for ages now. Besides, after budget cuts to English Heritage, the stones may very well have to be painted bright blue and become the Samsung Stonehenge anyway, complete with a juice bar, sushi shack and places to charge your moby.
The truth behind the ad is a timeless one: unless it’s you, or at the very least an incredibly generous close-family member winning the lottery, you’re unlikely to be delighted. Another truth is that Llewelyn-Bowen now resembles Dave Grohl dressed up like a Victorian fop for a night out in Shoreditch. If he does win the lottery, it might be time for a trip to Topman. Seriously, though, it’s great to see a treasured, crumbling relic on TV again. It’s also good to see Stonehenge.
