Ah, Maccy Ds: the great divider. The world’s most evil fast-food monolith or your secret, special place between the night bus and a crywank. If you’re a cynic, you’ll watch the date between John and Emma, two bumbling saps who obviously met online, and think, “McDonald’s has finally co-opted love. This is worse than Coca-Cola half-inching Christmas.” Or if you’re a romantic, like me, then this advert will leave you longing for a sexy someone to share your 20 nuggets with.
Let’s examine the date. John’s foppish and opens with a peck. He takes Emma to an art gallery. Then, when the pair go bowling, Emma gets his name wrong on the scoreboard. “Who the hell is Steve?” thinks John. “How many other guys has Emma brought to the bowl-plex?” I would have liked to see a shot of a bowling ball obliterating some pins here as a metaphor for what cruel Emma has done to John’s feelings. But before we get the chance, their crap date is over. Then comes the plot twist. On the way home, Emma and John bump into each other in McDonald’s and order – in unison – exactly the same meal.
Anyone who thinks this isn’t love clearly hasn’t eaten a burger in bed, playfully wiped mayonnaise on their partner’s leg and wound up having greasy sex that tastes like gherkin. This is now what Emma and John will spend the rest of their lives doing, and I wish them well. Because though at first we thought Emma was a bit of a cow, we now know that she’s cultured (the BBQ sauce), fun–loving (the milkshake) and down-to-earth (a Big Mac rather than the pseudo-posh Fillet-O-Fish). Bon appetit, Emma and John, see you in the morning for a McMuffin, winky face.
