It makes sense that Jarred and my story began among handstanding nude performers. It was 2009, I had just wrapped up a dance performance at Melbourne fringe festival and I was unwinding in the artists’ bar when circus performers began doing outrageous naked tricks. Over the crack of whips, my eyes found Jarred in the audience. He was absolutely gorgeous.
Wasting no time, my friend Amy introduced us. Jarred told me he was studying circus arts; I was a contemporary dancer, so we bonded over a love of movement. His beauty drew me in but his passion for his craft held me captive. The world is a complicated place, but it was clear we both believed in making life fun through our work.
After connecting on Facebook, I’d often stay up late at night to see when Jarred was active and time my messages accordingly.
By the end of the year we were hanging out in Melbourne regularly, slowly getting to know each other, nerding out over Xena: Warrior Princess and horror films. We really liked and admired each other, so we didn’t want to rush into things.
On New Year’s Eve, we headed to a house party in Carlton North. It was teeming with noise and bodies. We quietly slipped away on to the balcony to be alone. It dawned on me that life felt infinitely better since meeting Jarred.
As our friends’ countdown shouts reached a crescendo, something instinctive pulled us together. The countdown entered single digits. On one, we turned to each other and kissed. In that kiss we both recognised the same thing: it wasn’t just the beginning of a new year, but something bigger.
Afterwards we were officially an item. Jarred was working for circus company Circa, and I was on the road with my own shows as a dancer and drag queen, so we knew we’d have to spend months apart. Long distance can wear you down and make you feel as though you’re frozen in time – I wouldn’t have endured it for just anyone.
The decision to commit to each other long distance meant we were able to take up many amazing (and sometimes chaotic) career opportunities.
Jarred and I occasionally perform together, he makes costumes for my shows and we influence each other a lot artistically. I’ve helped him join the shinier, draggier side of life and he has made me more circusy.
In 2019, after a decade of mostly touring and living apart, we finally found ourselves on the same continent, though in a less-than-ideal circumstance. Jarred had ruptured his bicep on tour in Austria and was flown back to Australia for surgery. I sat waiting nervously throughout the long operation; when Jarred finally awoke he looked me in the eye groggily and made a whoosh-whoosh sucking sound – his way of communicating he wanted a drink of water from a straw. Always the clown!
Jarred was out of action for a year. During that time we moved in together, and as it coincided with Covid lockdowns, I took my cabaret acts online.
Although domestic life was bliss, Jarred’s injury threw off my proposal plans. Instead of postcard-perfect Salzburg, I settled on Brunswick Heads. As we sat together on the beach, the ring was already in my hand when I realised I hadn’t thought about what I was going to say. I managed this: “Will you give me a kiss? Will you give me a pat? And finally, will you marry my bum?” Jarred laughed and said yes.
A year later Jarred proposed to me too. I was confused but then delighted because of course when you have a contract, both people usually sign it. Due to Covid we didn’t plan a wedding and instead put that money towards a house. “Fiance” is more fun to say than “husband” anyway.
I love how patient and measured Jarred is. He balances me out when my impulsivity gets the better of me. But above all else, he always makes me laugh.
James Welsby and Jarred Dewey perform in Decadence: 10 Years of Yummy at Melbourne fringe festival until 18 October
