Suddenly I’m feeling a bit despondent about my summer holiday. We’ve actually got two this year – a cottage in Cornwall with a couple of nights in a tent, then camping in France later in the summer.
I know, I should be bloody grateful. But I’ve now seen The Millionaire’s Holiday Club (BBC2), and I’m thinking maybe we should have gone for a week in the owner’s suite of the SeaDream II instead. Yes, it would have cost £15-16,000 per person, not including flights. But we would have got a lovely cabin, plus some very starched and attentive crew members who would have known our favourite brand of fizz, danced with us and pretended to be our friends. And the end-of-week champagne and caviar splash, served from a floating surfboard, looks a hoot.
Or, for the same price for all of us (about £60,000 for the week), we could have a private villa on a very private island in the Seychelles, maybe the one on which Kate and William honeymooned. How can a villa cost £60,000 a week, you might wonder? It’s all about attention to detail, explains Nicholas, the manager, as he shows that the tear-drop water vases have been filled right to the top, so you get the true tear-drop effect. Full vases? That’s got to be worth 60 grand. I’m sold: camping’s cancelled and I’m getting on to ITC Luxury Travel (in Chester!) to see if they’ve got any last-minute deals.
More interesting than the holidays, the helicopters, infinity pools and very full vases, are the people who go on them. Like party girl Jane, who sold her dental supply company and now spends pretty much the whole time on holiday with husband Michael, a lot of it aboard the SeaDream II. Except that Michael isn’t so keen on the word holiday. “I’m not going on a ruddy camp,” he explains. “It’s a bit more sophisticated than going on holiday. I prefer to use ‘travelling’.”
Who does he think he is, Vasco da effing Gama? Mate, you’re on a cruise, and you’re on holiday. Now go and bag a sun lounger, quick, before someone else gets it.
