A huge cheer went up at the Arctic Monkeys' Old Trafford gig last weekend that had nothing to do with the band. There was obviously some sort of crowd commotion. People were taking pictures of something happening with their mobile phones. Thinking there was some sort of fight, I went over to investigate - journalistically. However, the sight that confronted me was more curious than a punch-up.
There was a massive ring of peopleand in the clearing two clearly very drunken punters were performing a bizarre form of Sumo wrestling. One lad - a big chap with a striped shirt whom the crowd were chanting for as "Stripy" - was strutting around as if he owned the place. Occasionally, he'd be challenged by a lad in a green T-shirt. Stripy would then push Green T-Shirt Man out of the ring and, having regained his turf, strut around again in triumph. At one point Green T-shirt Man got a bit annoyed by the constant defeats, and actually lashed out at Stripy, prompting the crowd to chant, "The wanker in the green".
They were soon all smiles again though, not least because another lad chose to further entertain everybody by dropping his trousers and waving his penis at the bystanders. Then the Sumo wrestling started again. And the cheers. This continued until big Stripy finally collapsed, totally unconscious, and had to be carted away by his friends.
I think this is the singularly most bizarre behaviour I've seen at a rock concert. But there's plenty of competition.
In the early 1980s, when I first started going to punk gigs, another form of Sumo-type ritual was commonplace. A big punk - invariably sporting a mohican - would clear a similar space at the front of the stage. Then anyone daring to enter the enclave would either be kicked out of it by the Big Punk or actually knocked unconscious. I wouldn't mind, but I once saw this happen at a gig by melodious Clare Grogan-fronted drippy indie dreamboats Altered Images.
A Rolling Stones gig in Leeds Roundhay Park, 1982, offered another curious form of bad behaviour. A scantily clad girl - naked except for stockings, bra and suspenders - stood in front of a glistening Harley Davidson, pouting at the punters. The twist in this tale was that everyone knew that these were Hell's Angels' bikes ... and to even glance towards one risked a similar fate as befell poor Meredith Hunter at Altamont. So we all kept our heads down and looked away. Almost.
Actual sex at gigs is the sort of thing you read about all the time, but in fact it's rare. Nevertheless, when INXS played Leeds Town & Country Club in the mid-90s, a couple were bang at it against the louspeakers, just a few feet away from a thrusting Michael Hutchence, which brought a new meaning to New Sensation at the time.
But the incident at the Monkeys got me thinking: has anyone else seen anything like this? Just what is the most bizarre behaviour any of you have seen at live gigs? And does anyone know Stripy - and will he live to fight another day?
