Strange days indeed. Most peculiar.
Who could have imagined it would one day be much easier to secure tickets to a World Cup final than to procure a six-pack of dunny roll?
How eerie to flick on the TV and watch Juventus play Inter Milan in a possible title decider in a near-empty stadium in Serie A. Almost as perverse as the current Manchester United beating derby rivals City twice in the same season.
They are talking about banning the over-70s from attending Premier League matches in England, presumably for their own good.
Perhaps a similar experiment in the right-hand lane of freeways and major arterial roads might meet with more universal approval!
We can hold the spread of the coronavirus responsible for all of the above as certainly as we can pinpoint the Newcastle show for the heavy rain that drenched us late last week.
But how do you explain the performance of Wellington Phoenix in the A-League this season?
Like a lot of so-called experts I had them finishing comfortably in the bottom two, alongside the Mariners, who haven't let the form guide down.
After the first six games there were real concerns that those predictions were going to be horribly accurate, but after 19 games Wellington are firmly ensconced in the top six, with 33 points next to their name.
To have 10 wins in the bank is quite remarkable, given the start they endured, the loss of key personnel in the off-season, and a first-season coach at the helm.
That coach, Ufuk Talay, must surely be well in calculations for a major award at season's end.
Unfortunately the surprisingly good showing of the Nix, the budgetary constraints at the Jets combined with injuries in the first half of the season, and recent revivals by the teams above them (Brisbane, Western United and the Wanderers) are making the Jets' late rally for the finals a remote possibility, at best.
You would have to imagine that anything less than three points away to Adelaide on Sunday afternoon would scupper any real prospect of the late-season miracle.
You'd have to imagine anything less than three points away to Adelaide on Sunday would scupper any real prospect of a late-season Jets miracle.
You would also imagine that the Reds would have felt the full wrath of an angry coach after capitulating 5-1 at home to Western United last weekend.
Expectations and goals are relative, but even if the Jets were to win five of their last seven games, that wouldn't be enough to play finals football.
You may surmise that Jets coach Carl Robinson will be looking for improvements in certain areas, his non-negotiables being applied, and a consistency that builds a solid foundation for next season. An extraordinary run and finish to the current campaign would be considered a huge bonus.
Expectations can, of course, change game to game, even for the biggest clubs. Manchester City, for example, are well positioned to challenge for the Champions League this season, bringing a 2-1 lead home to the Etihad in their tie with Real Madrid.
Should the Spanish giants turn it around, however, and it's by no means impossible, City could welcome Liverpool on April 5 as champions, with possibly only the FA Cup to add to the Carabao Cup already won.
A huge difference really.
But such are the fine margins in sport.
Just ask the Australian women's cricket team, who are world champions today, but might so easily, given an extra hour of rain in Sydney last week, be reflecting ruefully on an opportunity lost!
A fair chunk of an 86,000 crowd at the MCG might have shared their disappointment.
Realistically, anything between 11 and 16 points would be pretty respectable for the Jets, and even the top end of that scale is unlikely to result in finals football.
Clean sheets and personal milestones might be achievable targets. That would provide respectability, and a base to work from.
Me, I'd be happy with an ex-player in the VAR booth before season's end, just as an experiment.
No more huddles on the pitch, a ban on assistant coaches pretending to relay information via multiple pages of diagrams to players who aren't listening anyway, and the first genuine "roaming" goalkeeper brought on to replace the custodian, and chase a game with 11 bona fide field players!
Surely that's the next frontier?
And of course, a vaccine for the coronavirus, or a plentiful supply of toilet paper at minimum.
Hopefully things will get better soon. In the meantime, sit tight, take care, wash your hands, and I will see you next week.
